156 Weeks of Parsha

This past Shabbat I walked into shul and went to pick up the Shabbat Bulletin and Israel News. I instinctively reached for the Family Parsha Sheet that I make each week, so that we could read it together as a family at the Shabbat table. And then I remembered: for the 1st time in three years I had not made a weekly Parsha Sheet.

For the last four years I have had the honor of serving as Youth Rabbi at Kemp Mill Synagogue in Silver Spring, MD. At the end of the 1st year my wife Elisheva and I decided to create a weekly Family Parsha Sheet that would include Parsha Questions, a parsha themed Cartoon, a What Would You Do dilemma, and other fun features that families could enjoy together at the Shabbat table. Over the years we added new features like This Week in Jewish History, Words of Wisdom, Elisheva's Parsha Challah, and more.

It would take 2-3 hours a week to find interesting material to share and to format it into an attractive looking sheet. But it was always gratifying to see kids, and even adults, reading through the sheet in shul or taking it home. This basically was a very big part of my life for 3 years, and I couldn't relax until I knew the sheet for that week was complete.

I have studied Parshat Hashavua for many years, but preparing this Family Parsha Sheet each week made me look at the parsha in ways I never had before. It was a joy (mostly) looking for new ideas, and it became an anchor for our Shabbat table conversations.

So I guess it isn't so strange that I reached for the parsha sheet this past Shabbat, even though I knew my last one was for Parshat Pinchas. It was second nature. A Chazaka is established when you do something three times in a row. At that point it is assumed it will continue. Well, after three years, and 156 consecutive weeks, I don't know if I need to do Hatarat Nedarim, but I am stepping away from this weekly project. I have started a new position as Executive Director of Jewish Educational Services in Baltimore and no longer have the time to work on this.

Elisheva and I have shared our sheet on social media and with shuls around the country that have asked for it. We would love to develop this, together with other projects we have worked on, such as a Parsha Cookbook and ParshArt activities, into a website or book for families to enjoy. In the meantime, the archives are on the KMS website. You can see the way the sheet improved over the years.

Even though I am stepping back from this project for now, it has inspired me to find fun ways of bringing parsha to the whole family and making Shabbat meals Torah centered. There is so much amazing Torah on the internet right now and there really is something interesting for everyone.

I hope this inspires you to learn parsha each week and to find meaningful projects in your life as well.

If You Could Have Lunch With Anyone In The World

I was once asked a very interesting question during a job interview: If you could have lunch with anyone, past or present, who would it be? I wasn't expecting that question, but what came to mind at the moment were 3 people: Yehoshua Ben Gamla (who started the Jewish Day School movement), Natan Sharansky, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I'm not sure why those specific names came to me at that moment, but sometimes, even if a different or better answer might come with more time to think, it is interesting to see what your instinct comes up with.

Over Pesach I posed this same question to members of our family (from the Grandparents to the Grandchildren) and received such an eclectic range of answers:

Nancy Reagan, Genghis Khan, Thomas Edison, Princess Diana, Golda Meir, Aaron Judge, David Ben Gurion, Robin Williams, Rashi, Sandra Boynton, Menachem Begin, Henry IV, David HaMelech, Devorah, Rivkah Imeinu, The Rogatchover Gaon, Rav Meir Shapiro, Yogi Berra, Major Biden (the President's dog), Noach, Ulysses S. Grant, Any random dude from 1941, Paul McCartney, Dwight Eisenhower, Abraham Lincoln, and Betzalel.

This was a really interesting exercise, which engaged all members of the family from younger to older. And it was very fascinating to listen to what each person would want to discuss with their guests. We even joked about what an interesting scene it would be if all these guests came together for one big meal.

Pesach is a time when we talk about our journeys, reflecting on where we have come from, what we have been through, and where we are heading. It reminds us that each of us goes through moments when we must choose our path. Do we remain in the status quo, even if it is less than ideal, or bravely venture into the risky unknown, hoping for a better tomorrow? My mother always asks us at the Seder: if you were in Egypt would you have left? The Midrash says that 80% of Bnei Yisrael remained in Egypt, something that seems shocking when you think about the slavery they lived under. But sometimes it is easier to remain in the familiar than to venture into the wilderness.

So I pose a simple question to you: who would you have lunch with? And what would you want to ask them? Would it be a great grandparent? Someone whose work changed the world for the better? Someone who had to make a difficult choice? Ask your family members who they would meet. And then ask yourself one more question: if your great grandchild 100 years from now got to meet you, what do you think they would ask you?

Hiding and Seeking on Pesach

Tonight we will take a feather, a spoon, and a candle and search our homes for Chametz (Bedikat Chametz). Many even have the custom of putting out 10 pieces of bread for the children to find [if you do, make sure someone writes down all 10 spots so that you don't miss one!]. Symbolically, we are reminded to search and destroy not only the physical crumbs of Chametz, but the spiritual crumbs as well, cleansing ourselves of any character traits which do not reflect our true nature.

I was thinking about this theme of hiding and seeking and realized that it shows up throughout the Pesach holiday:

-For 430 years Hashem was "hiding" and waiting for the exact moment when He could fulfill His promise to Avraham to redeem Bnei Yisrael from Egypt (Rashi Shemot 12:42). 

-Moshe also was hiding out in Midyan, and according to the Midrash (Shemot Rabbah 2:2) he was searching for his missing sheep when he came across the Burning Bush.

-During Makkat Bechorot, Bnei Yisrael are hiding in their homes while God strikes the Egyptian Firstborn.

-According to the Talmud (Sotah 13a), while everyone else is in a rush to leave (to the extent that they did not even have time for the dough to rise!) Moshe is running around Egypt looking for Yosef's bones, because he knows they will not be able to leave unless they fulfill their promise to take Yosef's bones with them.

-On the Shabbat of Pesach we read Megillat Shir HaShirim, Song of Songs, which uses an allegory of a lover searching for his soulmate to depict our search for God in our lives.

-At the Pesach Seder we do many things "to get the children to ask" such as hiding the Matzot/Seder Plate. We want them to be alert, to notice things, to ask questions.

-We open the door for Eliyahu HaNavi, searching to see if he has visited our homes (does anyone else check the Kos Shel Eliyahu to see if the wine level seems to be lower?].

-And of course, we hide the Afikoman and have the children search for it. [some families have the children then rehide it and make the adults search as well.]

Why all this hiding and seeking on Pesach?

Let's focus in a little more on the search for the Afikoman. The step of the Seder when we find and then eat the Afikoman is called צפון, which means hidden. It is related, I think, to the word מצפה, which means to expect or look forward to something [like the Rashi quoted above who says that Hashem was looking forward to ("מצפה") the day of redemption for 430 years]. 

You see, when something is hidden or unclear we have two choices. We can move on and ignore it, or we can search for it. It depends how important it is to us. I remember, as a child, playing Hide and Go Seek with my friends during recess. Everyone wanted to have a turn to Seek. You had to close your eyes and count to 30 while everyone else hid, And then you could run around and find everyone. It was fun to hide and not be caught. But it was even more fun to find everyone as the seeker. Of course, every once in a while there would be someone whose hiding spot was so good that no one could find them. At first this would be fun, with all the kids trying to help the seeker find the last holdout. But after a couple of minutes people would just give up and say something like "come out come out wherever you are! You win! We're starting a new round!" 

Maybe Pesach is coming to remind us that Hashem is always close to us. He loves us and wants to connect. But we have to do our part to seek Him out. Geulah (Redemption) comes only when we search for it.

We all search for things in our lives. We search for a soulmate with whom to share our journey. We search for the keys to building our families and having children. We search for a career that is meaningful and fulfilling. We search for friends and mentors, meaning and growth. Sometimes those searches take longer than others. It can feel, at times, pointless. The temptation to throw in the towel, rather than continue searching, is there. And we have to make a choice. Are we going to give up and move on, settle for the status quo, or keep searching until we find what we are looking for? When something is צפון (hidden) will we keep being מצפה (looking forward and expecting to eventually find it)?

I wish us all this Pesach that we should find the beauty in the search itself (not just in the end result). Put out those 10 pieces of bread. Open the door for Eliyahu. Hide that Afikoman. Because sometimes it is the search itself which builds character and strength and faith, even when it takes longer than we hoped.

46 on 4/6

Today is my 46th birthday! And it's April 6th (4/6)!

It's funny. I do look forward to my birthday each year. But I also am one of those people who often gets that feeling like, "what have I really accomplished so far?" So birthdays often bring mixed emotions.

But as I get older, I find myself focusing more on process than product, more on the person I am always striving to become than on the person who has done _____ on his resume. 

For a long time I measured my sense of worth by my perception of what I thought other people thought of me. And while I am not going to pretend that that doesn't matter to me, as I get older I am more interested in whether I feel like I have grown in the past year, and whether I feel like I am on a path of growth for the coming year. Because it's not about how far you have come, but about where your journey will take you next.

I find myself grateful for the people in my life. I am blessed with the most loving and supportive family. I am married to my best friend. And my biggest pride in life is not my resume, but my 3 amazing children.

So maybe I'm feeling a little sentimental. But cut me some slack. It's my birthday! And I'm having surgery tomorrow which makes me reflective. Here are a few things I have learned along the way so far. I can't wait to continue learning even more:

1) Appreciate the people in your life. Don't take them for granted. Tell them what they mean to you.

2) Don't stress over the things that don't really matter. Do your Hishtadlut (effort and preparation) and leave the rest to Hashem.

3) Be kind to others. When you walk into a room don't focus on where you will feel most comfortable. Look for where you can make others feel good.

4) Stay humble. It's better to shine a spotlight on others than on yourself. The best feeling in the world is when you help someone else see their own value and discover their signature strengths.

5) Be Curious. Always look to learn new things. Read, read, and read some more. Every few years I discover areas that I never realized were so fascinating. This world is incredible and all we have to do is open our eyes.

6) It's ok to recharge with alone time. I find people really interesting. I believe that you can talk to any person on planet earth and find something fascinating and meaningful about their lives. But I also know that sometimes I need to refuel by being alone. That's ok.

7) Look beneath the surface. There's almost always something deeper than what you see. For example, we are all walking around with certain worries, anxieties, or pains that are invisible to others. When you really look and listen you can connect with other people on a deeper level.

8) Be Creative. It's so much fun to create. You don't have to be a great artist to be creative. All it requires is the willingness to think out of the box, use your imagination, and consider new possibilities.

9) Try to see others' perspectives. I'm writing my dissertation on this topic. Almost all conflicts melt away if we learn how to look for and respect other perspectives than our own, even if we disagree with them. This is perhaps the most important skill we can learn and we can teach our children.

10) Always feel God's presence in your life. Hashem is inside each and every one of us, in our Neshama (soul). He is with us when we feel joy or sadness, worry or gratitude, anger or love. He is with us when we feel at our best and at our lowest. He is with us when things are clear and when they are cloudy. He is with us when we feel close to Him and when we do not. We are never alone, and He never gives up on us. He knows us better than we know ourselves and never stops believing in us. Nothing can ever get in the way of God's love for us.

Anyway, I could probably keep going. But this list was written quickly, off the top of my head. I wonder how I will feel when I look back at it later. Will I feel like I missed some important things? No doubt. But this is where my head is at on  this 4/6/22 as I turn 46. Thank you to my parents for bringing me into this world and raising me the right way. And thank you to Hashem for bringing me to this point. I pray for many more years of health, happiness, and growth, as I continue on my life journey of becoming the person I am meant to be.