For lots of people the 1st thing they think of when thinking about Houston is NASA. How many movies include the line, "Houston, we have a problem?" You can even go to the Johnson Space Center and visit the original Mission Control where they oversaw the Moon landing.
Why am I thinking about Mission Control these days? Because, as we prepare to enter Yom Kippur the theme of Control is very much on my mind. You see, we go through life, month after month, believing that we are in control, that our life will follow a certain path and timeline. But then life happens, there are bumps in the road, and we are reminded that, as my mother taught me many years ago, "Man tracht un God lacht - man plans and God laughs."
About four months ago we suffered a massive flood here in Houston, the night after Shavuot. For so many of us it shook the foundations out from under our feet. Even the notion of going to sleep relaxed is called into question once you wake up in the middle of a flood. Every time it rains or the sky even gets dark my son is afraid that another flood may be coming. And if I'm honest, every once in a while, during a hard rain, I kind of feel that way too.
We have been really lucky. We were able to return to our rental house after just two months (many will not return to their old house at all), and although it has been exhausting starting over and setting up our home again, we feel blessed to have a roof over our heads. But as I said, one of the life lessons we will take from this crazy chapter of our lives is that we are not always in control. Things happen, both good and bad, that we would never have expected. All we can control is how we respond.
On one level, this keeps life exciting and unpredictable. But on the other, it can produce anxiety when you realize that all your hard work and future plans can change in an instant. So, while I am not suggesting that we should live completely in the moment and disregard planning for the future, I am saying that we should not take any day for granted, and that we should tell the people we love how much they mean to us every time we speak.
Personally, I tend to be drawn towards tasks or situations that I can control or predict, and tend to avoid tasks or situations that are beyond my control. This is because I only have so much time and energy in the day, so I'd like to maximize my chances of success. That is probably why I enjoy problem solving tasks such as puzzles and schedules, and why all my work is on Google Docs. The irony is that I had 3 large puzzles that were waiting to be framed that flooded, and that if Google decides to they could just erase all my documents in an instant (maybe I should back those up?).
So do we throw up our hands and just go with the flow (external locus of control) or do we do everything we can to try and control our lives (internal locus of control)?
On the one hand Chazal tell us that איו הדבר תלוי אלא בי - the matter depends completely upon me. But they also teach that הכל בידי שמים חוץ מיראת שמים - everything is in the hands of Heaven except for the fear of Heaven.
I think it means that we should do the best we can with the cards we are dealt, put in our Hishtadlut (planning and efforts), and have Bitachon (trust) that everything that "happens to us" is for a reason and to help us grow.
As the saying goes from the 12 step programs:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Standing in shul this Yom Kippur, wondering what new surprises God has in store for us for the coming year, I will remind myself that my mission is not to always be in control. That even if life is not always predictable, I am always "under control," that is, under the control and care and support of a loving God. I will continue to do my best to make what I think are good life decisions, but will also try to be humble enough to remember that Hashem is with me through it all.
