Yosemite and Yom Kippur

This past summer our family went on an amazing road trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles, stopping along the way in several National Parks including: John Muir, Yosemite, King’s Canyon, and Sequoia. This year is the 100th anniversary of the National Park system and we figured this would be the year to go. It was really an amazing trip with memories that will last a lifetime. But sitting here during the Aseret Yemei Teshuva, the Ten Days of Repentance between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, I can’t help but reflect on some of the life lessons I hope my kids learned on this trip. I think they are very relevant to anyone trying to grow or achieve a goal:

1) Planning - If you really want to do something amazing you have to plan ahead (Pirkei Avot Chapter 4: “Eizehu Chacham Haroeh et Hanolad - The wise person thinks ahead”). Yes, there is a certain romance or excitement in doing something spontaneous. But when you think about the goals and aspirations that really matter to you they usually require strategy and time. It is one thing to say to yourself “this year I really want to ____________.” It is a lot harder to then sit down and create SMART goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time Based. I learned this when trying to plan this two week trip which involved travel, hotels, food, Shabbat plans, and a daily itinerary. In the end the biggest challenge wasn’t even finding kosher food in Yosemite, but finding a place to stay there. Evidently you have to book a year in advance or the lodges sell out. And that bring me to lesson two...

2) Persistence - When I called to book lodging and was told about the need to book a year in advance I had two choices: postpone this trip for a year and go to Plan B, or hold on to my dream and not give up. So each day after work, for about 2 months, I came home and called Yosemite again to see if there had been any cancellations. And sure enough, I was able to book one night, then another, and finally a 3rd night. We had to be a little flexible and take one night in a tent cabin (much more fun than it sounds!). But by not giving up we were able to achieve our goal. If something really matters to you don’t make excuses but rather find a way to get it done.

3) Pave Your Own Trail - We did a lot of walking and hiking during these two weeks. Aside from the great exercise, it allowed us to see so many beautiful things: waterfalls, wildlife, trees, mountains…. Actually, one of the coolest walking days we did was in San Francisco itself. We had never been there before, so on the 1st day we did the typical touristy double decker bus tour of the city, which was very nice. But on the 2nd day we signed up for an Urban Adventure Quest, which are these amazing scavenger hunts you can sign up for and do as a family by answering clues on your phone that take you from clue to clue throughout the city. They have them in many cities across the country and we have done several of them. I highly recommend them (www.urbanadventurequest.com). In San Francisco the Quest took us to parts of the city we would never have known about and it was a really fun way to experience San Francisco.

4) Pace Yourself - One of the mistakes we sometimes make is trying to do too much too quickly. We feel inspired and make big plans but if we do not pace ourselves we are likely to burn out and give up. It’s like the kid in the mall who wants to go up the down escalator for fun. If he sprints up he might run out of steam and then be brought all the way back down. He needs to go up just a little bit faster than the escalator is going down if he wants to reach the top. We learned this the hard way on the day we hiked the Mist Trail in Yosemite. It was a beautiful hike up to a misty waterfall and we had a great time. But when we reached the top after two hours we had a choice to make: do we turn back down those narrow, slippery, crowded stone steps? Or do we hike higher up and then around back down the famous John Muir Trail? Well, hiking the JMT has been a dream of mine for a while, so the choice was easy. Little did we know, however, that this would add about an hour to our hike. And we had very little water. Well, long story short, some nice people shared their water with us, and we took our time going down the switchbacks (paths going back and forth down the mountain because going straight down would have been too steep) until finally reconnecting with the Mist Trail down the mountain. All in all the hike took us about 5 hours and we were exhausted by the end. And let me tell you, those switchbacks were endless and annoying, but we made it and will never forget that day. Which brings me to the next lesson…

5) Patience - Sometimes getting there takes longer than we thought it would (by the 20th switchback we were doubting if we would ever get back down) and despair can set in. But you just have to keep your focus on the goal and keep putting one foot in front of the other. And sometimes there are ups and downs but you have to ride them out. Very often during this road trip the road would climb 3 miles in elevation, then go back down 2 miles, only to go up another 3. But the view is always worth it at the end. We even saw this in the beautiful and flat Napa valley where we visited a kosher winery one day. When we asked if we could pick a grape from the vine to taste it we were told that at this stage in the grape’s development it still tastes very bitter. It takes a long time, but eventually it produces a delicious wine. You just have to give it time to develop. I think this is true for ourselves but also for the way we relate to others. Sometimes we just need to be a little more patient and let the people around us develop and grow into their potential.

6) Peace - One of the moments of this trip we will never forget was coming face to face with a back bear right on the Mist Trail. Along with a few other hikers we tried to get a closer look but suddenly the bear climbed right in front of us in the path (at which point we all backed away nervously). The bear looked around and decided to continue climbing up the side of the mountain, but it took us a few minutes to catch our breath. One of the things they tell you in Yosemite is never to surround a bear because if it has no place to go it will feel threatened and then it could attack. To me this teaches that in order to avoid confrontation with others we should always allow the other person a dignified way out. We can and should talk out issues and try to build shalom bayit, but always in a way that does not seem threatening or attacking.

7) Padlocks - Since I mentioned the bear let me also talk about Bear Boxes. Throughout the park we were told not to leave any food or anything else with a scent (ex. toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant…) in our cars or bags because it would attract bears. Instead they assigned each family a bear box in which to store our food. This got me thinking about deciding which things are really important to us. If you had only a limited space to save the things that are most important to you what would you save and why? If you had only a limited time to spend who would you spend it with and what would you do? What things in our lives are most central to who we are and give us the most meaning? Which aspects of our lives would we guard with a padlock?

8) Paddle - One day we went rafting as a family down the Merced River which runs through Yosemite. At one point I lost my paddle and then fell out of the boat trying to retrieve it, which was very amusing to my kids. But here lies another lesson for Yom Kippur and for life. We all need a paddle to navigate our way through life. We need a guidance system, a way to steer ourselves towards our goals, rather than just letting the currents of time take us where they may. So many people feel like they are stuck in their jobs and in their routines. But with a paddle you are in control and you decide your fate. As Jews, we are fortunate to have the greatest navigation system of all, the Torah. It is there to guide us and help us live lives of meaning.

9) Perspective - Sometimes, looking at something from another perspective helps us appreciate it more. We took a trip up to Glacier Point, which is the huge rock overlooking Yosemite Valley. From the bottom it hovers over the valley with imposing strength and height. But from the top it affords views of the the entire valley. The huge waterfalls that we saw in the valley look like water coming out of the sink from this perspective. And it reminds me that changing one’s vantage point helps us see things differently and understand them better. Maybe this is the meaning behind the Talmud’s teaching that changing your location (shinuy makom) can help accomplish Teshuva. We saw this as well back in San Francisco when we drove north of the city to the top of Mount Tamalpais. From the top of the mountain we were higher than the clouds and could see for miles in every direction. And while there were so many great views during this trip, my favorite might have been Moro Rock in Sequoia National Park. A good 15 minute climb up a stairway built into the cliff leads up to a narrow stretch of rock from which you can see forever. It reminds me that hard work pays off in the end, and that while it is always important to pay attention to details, sometimes seeing the big picture is priceless.

10) Power - One last “P” lesson. After Yosemite we drove south for 3 hours to see the biggest trees in the world at Sequoia National Park. I cannot really describe the feeling of standing next to trees that are the size of tall buildings. You have to experience that for yourself. But it definitely made me feel humble, which is never a bad things. We live in an amazing world, full of beauty and majesty. On the one hand we should remember that the world does not revolve around us. We are but one part of an incredible universe. On the other hand, we should not forget that we too have the potential to be giant Sequoias, and that Hashem wants us to reach for the sky as well. As long as we have a strong root system (our faith) there is no limit to how much we can grow.

Opening Ceremonies

With a new school year starting this week I was looking for some words of inspiration to share with our teachers, and my thoughts immediately turned to the Summer Olympics that have been going on the past few weeks. There are a lot of things that I love about the Olympics: the competition, the mutual respect, the celebration of diversity. And of course, the incredible athletes. But as I thought about it some more, I realized that there are a lot of important messages that we as educators can learn from the Olympics as we embark on another year of teaching.

1) Middot - There is something so uplifting about good sportsmanship. The athlete who helps another runner who fell cross the finish line, or who gracefully shakes their opponents hand after a defeat. 1st and foremost let us remember that we are not only tasked with preparing our students to get into a good college; we are preparing them to become 'A' students at the Game of Life, always conducting themselves with dignity, humiliation, and respect.

2) Effort - World class athletes do not reach that stage overnight. They spend countless hours toiling in the gym, practicing and perfecting their craft, making mistakes and learning from them. Our student sneed to learn that innate ability or intelligence can only get you so far (or limit you so much). Much mire important a factor in one's success is the hard work and effort we are willing to put in, and the grit, determination, and perseverance that we display. Everyone has setbacks and failures, frustrating days where it seems like we will never achieve our goals. But if we teach our students to power through those moments and keep at it we will set them up for success.

3) Overcoming Hurdles - Building off the last paragraph, there are always obstacles (not to mention opponents and competitors) that stand in the way of our goals. Will we give up when success does not come easily or will we find a way of jumping those hurdles and carrying on? As teachers, some of the most important teachable moment are the ones where we help our students process failures. And let's not forget either that we also face hurdles and challenges. Teaching is not easy. But the art of teaching demands Being so focused on the goal that nothing will hold us back.

4) Passing the Baton - Teaching can be a lonely profession. Most teachers spend most of their working days alone in their rooms with their students, rather than collaborating with peers and colleagues. And we often get so narrowly focused on our students and our subject that we lose sight of the bigger picture. The 3 year old teacher may not feel the connection to the 4th grade Hebrew teacher, who may not feel connected to the 8th grade Math teacher, who may not feel connected to the 11th grade Chumash teacher. But if we think of ourselves as teammates in a relay race we can remember that in order for the team to win the race we each must individually do the best we can with our part of the job and then pass the baton to our teammate to take it to the next level.

5) Lighting the Torch - We also can support each other by inspiring each other and our students to achieve greatness. It begins with lighting our own torch and feeling inspired, and it then continues with words of encouragement and sharing a vision and an example for others to follow. Rav Machlis once told me that just as we must light the Chanukah candles "Ad She'Haner Dolek Me'Eleha - until the candle burns on it's own" so too when teaching we must ignite each student's own inner passion for learning so that they will be motivated and excited to learn on their own.

6) Coaching - The cameras always focus on the athlete after the great performance, but, as an educator and parent, I find my eyes always looking for the coach. I love seeing the pride in their eyes when they see all the teaching pay off. No one knows the coaches name. They do not receive a medal. But everyone knows that without them none of this success would have been possible. They were the ones there with the athlete day after day, year after year, in the gym, showing them again and again how to do it right. They were the ones consoling them and giving chizuk after tough losses, and letting them know when the effort level was not enough. As teachers and parents there are some times we have to give tough love and other times we have to give comfort, but great teaching always starts and ends with love.

7) Time - What better way to show our students (and ourselves) the importance of time than the Olympics, when the difference between a Gold medal and last place can often be just hundredths of a second. Young people often take time for granted, putting off assignments until the last minute, and generally feeling little urgency since they have their whole life ahead of them. But what if we could teach to embrace youth and enjoy every minute, while still learning to plan efficiently and make good use of their time? There is a midrash that quotes Rabbi Akiva who teaches that the only two times in Tanach that the number 127 appears are the years of Sarah's life and the provinces rules by Queen Esther. The connection, explains Rav Meir Goldvicht, is that each year that Sarah lived righteously led to another province for her descendant Esther. Which means that each month was another city, each week was another neighborhood, each day another street, and each hour another house.... Every moment counts and is a gift. As the following poem (quoted by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg) states eloquently:

Every Moment Is Precious (Author Anonymous)

To realize the value of ONE YEAR
Ask a student who has failed his exam.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE DAY
Ask a daily wage laborer who has 10 kids to feed.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR
Ask those waiting for a loved one in surgery.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE
Ask the person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND
Ask the person who won a “silver” medal in the Olympics.

So my fellow educators and parents, we start a new school year this week. Let us remind ourselves of the powerful impact we can have on our students beyond just the specific subject matter we are teaching. We can instill in them the Middot that we hope they will embrace in the way they treat others. We can teach them that hard work and effort will help them overcome every hurdle and setback that comes their way. We can remind them (and ourselves) that they are not alone, but part of an amazing relay team lighting each other's torch and passing the baton one to the next. We can teach them to appreciate and make every day count. And we can show them that we are always in their corner and on their side, cheering them on and giving guidance, with love.

Let the Games Begin...

Diabetes, Davening, and Dads

It is 1:00am and I can't sleep. That's because I know that in a few more minutes I need to check my 9 year old daughter Rina's blood sugar to make sure she is not having a high or a low. A week ago we rushed her to the ER on Shabbat morning when she was clearly very ill and we were shocked to learn that she has Type 1 Diabetes and was experiencing dangerous levels of hyperglycemia. Thank God, the amazing doctors and nurses at Texas Children's Hospital were able to stabilize her and she came home Tuesday night. But in the last week I feel like I have aged several years. I now speak a new language of Glucose Levels and Ketones and Humalog. I now check blood and give insulin injections several times a day (and if you know me you know that I am a fainter when it comes to blood and needles). And I now wake up (on the rare occasions that all the thoughts rushing through my head slow down enough for me to actually fall asleep) with about 5 seconds of calmness before my chest tightens up and I remember the fear, anxiety, and neverending worry that are now my reality going forward.

Here is the good news. 1st of all, Rina is an amazing child. She does not complain or cry (though she has every right to). She just smiles and allows us to constantly prod and inject and tell her what she can and cannot eat. I am inspired by her strength. 2nd of all, her mother is the strongest (and most giving) person I have ever met. She is also diabetic and is teaching the rest of us how to live with diabetes rather than letting diabetes limit the way you live. 3rd of all, Rina has a brother and a sister who love her more than anything in the world.

But with all that said, this is still a very hard reality to come to terms with. I know many others go through even bigger challenges (Lo Aleinu) and that this will get easier as time goes on and we get used to it. But it is scary and sad and not what any parent wants for their child.

And with today being Father's Day I am sitting here thinking about how blessed I feel every single day to be a father, with all its stress and worry, and how grateful I am to God for giving me the opportunity to raise three beautiful children. Fatherhood is not easy. But it is the most important thing I will ever do in this world and it is the thing that matters the most to me.

I learned about how to be a father by watching my own Abba whom I consider to be the greatest father in the world. He taught me to love, to laugh, and to learn. I watch his dedication to community, to shul, and even to strangers he meets and I am inspired. I watch how he deals with his Parkinsons with grace, courage, and dignity and I am amazed. But mostly I watch his love for his family and his willingness to do anything to help one of his children and I am grateful.

So yes. This has not been an easy week for us. Truthfully, it has not been an easy year. From last Shavuot to this one we have experienced two floods and now this. And I'm pretty sure the inability to sleep or to relax will not go away any time soon. Because when you love someone so much you cannot relax if they are in danger or pain. But at the same time I thank God a million times for the blessing of my children, all three of whom are my pride and joy. I daven to Him with all my heart to keep them safe. And I remind myself that He too is our Father who looks after us and loves us.

One day I hope my kids will read these blog posts. When they do I hope they will really start to understand how much I love them and how proud I am to be their father.

Tests of Endurance

Tonight is seder night. And I have been thinking a lot recently about tests of endurance. (What time does your Seder end? :-)

Over the last few months I have watched several documentaries on Netflix about people who undertake long and difficult journeys to test their limits and discover their potential:

The Long Way Around - 2 British motorcyclists (one of whom is actor Ewen McGregor) ride from London to New York going east.

The Long Way Down - The same 2 guys ride from Scotland to Cape Town.

The Barkley Marathons - Runners race for 60 straight hours through the woods of Tennessee.

Maiden Voyage - A 15 year old girl sails around the globe by herself.

Inspired to Ride - Bicycle riders race from Oregon to Virginia.

Desert Runners - Runners run 5 day Marathons across the 4 biggest deserts in the world (Atacama, Gobi, Sahara, Antarctica)

I'm not sure why I have gotten into these stories recently. They involve travel which I love. But I think it's more about this idea of challenging yourself and discovering unknown strength.

It makes me reflect on what Bnei Yisrael must have felt like as they travelled through the harsh desert for 40 years. Certainly they were happy to be free of slavery. But the seeming impossibility and endlessness of their journey understandably deflated them as well.

As I watched these documentaries I also reflected on the theme of Individuality vs. Community. In some ways these people were leaving their families and the lives they knew to venture off on their own into the unknown. The 15 year old girl even says something like "I think what I love about it is the freedom, the fact that I have no attachments to anyone or anything." But when you watch further you realize that one of the things they love the most is the connections they make along the way. Runners run together. Cyclists help each other out. Even the sailing girl makes deep connections along the way.

Travelling through the desert for 40 years must have been a great ordeal. But they had their Shevet, their tribe. And they helped each other out.

It is hard to fathom, but this week our community in Houston suffered our 2nd devastating flood in the last 11 months. Streets turned to rivers. Houses and cars submerged. The shul destroyed once again. Our community had not even recovered from last year's floods. This just seems unfair, like getting kicked when you're already down for the count.

When displaced from your home after a flood you feel like your equilibrium is off, like your internal GPS telling you where you are in the world so that you can figure out where you are going has to be recalibrated. Do I belong here? Is this my home? When will I be able to settle down and build my life?

But at the same time as everyone feels alone, isolated, and disconnected, an amazing thing happens. You start to realize that while it is true that there is a lot of work to be done, that it seems impossible and endless, and that most of it you will have to do for yourself, it is also true that you are part of a community who are all going through this together with you. That there will be times that you need support from others, and times that they will need it from you. That you will encourage each other and get through it together.

Hard times are not fun. But they make you stronger. They develop in you grit, resilience, and determination. So this Seder night I will try to reflect on the journey of endurance that our People have gone through over the centuries. We have overcome all odds and supported each other along the way. We have moved homes many times, but always felt at home with our families and communities. We have discovered in ourselves reservoirs of strength and potential that we didn't know we had. And in going through our own challenges we have become more sensitive to the trials of others, seeking to heal the world one helping hand at a time. This Seder night let us look around the table, even if it is not our own, and smile when we realize that just as we have gotten to this point together, so too will we always endure and overcome because we are part of an amazing family.

Goodbye 30's, Hello 40's

In about 20 minutes or so it will be my 40th birthday. When I was a kid I used to look forward to my birthday. It was a day of celebration, of cake, of presents, and of parties. But as I get older I find myself hanging on to the positive anticipation while simultaneously dreading it a bit as well. For a while it was because I would think to myself something along the lines of "what have I achieved in my life?" Now I think I am able to reflect on some things I am proud of and grateful for, most importantly my precious family. But still, if you know me well you know that I am not so fun in the days leading up to my birthday. And I think it's because as I get older I realize more and more how quickly life passes by and how easy it is to take things for granted. I have all these things I want to do and places I want to see, and I think to myself, "Im Lo Achshav Ematai - If Not Now When?" I feel a sense of Carpe Diem and a desire to break out of the routine and turn hopes and dreams into plans and reality.

Of course, big numbers like 40 also make me reflect on health and on getting older. I want to stay feeling young and healthy. I appreciate the wisdom that comes with experience (boy was I naive in my 20's :-) but I don't want to lose my sense of adventure and my joy of exploration and discovery.

Looking back on the past decade of my life, it has been mostly about the blessing of raising 3 beautiful children together with my wife Elisheva. And it has been about finding myself in terms of my career. I feel like I grew a lot as a person in my 30's and there are aspects of my life that I would never have imagined 10 years ago (Twins, being a Principal, living in TX). So now, as I close one decade of life and begin the next, I can only imagine what is in store. I pray for good health for me and my loved ones. I pray for a sense of belonging and that I am making a difference in the world. I pray for the ability to keep learning and growing as a person. I hope to focus more on my health, and to improve my diet and exercise. And I hope to see as many new places as I can this decade. Over the last 5 years or so I have developed a new and unexpected love of maps, geography, and travel. There is an amazing world out there that Hashem created and I want to see it all.

So here's to my 40's. May they be even better than my 30's and may I never take this precious life for granted.