Happy Palindrome Day!
Today is February 2, 2020, or 02/02/2020. This is the only time such a date will occur this century. The previous palindrome date came 909 years ago on 11/11/1111. The next will come in 101 years on 12/12/2121 and after that there will not be another until 03/03/3030.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/02/world/palindrome-day-february-2-2020-intl-scli/index.html
Besides being kind of a cool, quirky, feature of the calendar, I think today’s date is most appropriate. Because I have been thinking a lot recently about the theme of Perspective, specifically seeing things from others’ point of view.
As a teacher, a rabbi, a husband, a father, a son, a brother, and everything else that I am, the most important ingredient in all my relationships is Empathy. And the key to empathy is to be able to see things (even if you have a slightly different perspective) from the other person’s point of view.
This weekend our family all got together to celebrate the engagement of my nephew. It was beautiful to see everyone together. My sister published a book of my father’s short stories about his grandfather (for whom I am named), so it was a weekend of connecting 5 generations of family.
Over the weekend I spent time with each niece and nephew, catching up on their lives and feeling proud of the people they are becoming. My parents were surrounded by all their grandchildren. Two of them are navigating the mystery of Middle School and two others the humor of High School. One of them is learning in yeshiva. Two of them are enjoying the independence of college. One of them is a brave soldier of the IDF. Three others are starting their careers. And this theme of perspective taking kept coming up. In conversations about school, about professors, about resumes, about summer jobs, about dating, and so much more, it kept coming up again and again.
At one point a conversation I had many years ago came back to me and it is something I will call The Mirror Test. Towards the beginning of my 1st year studying in a post high school yeshiva in Israel, the Rebbe one day decided to talk to us about dating and marriage. He asked us to write a list of all the characteristics we would be looking for in our ideal spouse. After listening to some of our lists the Rebbe then said, “now I want you to think about that girl that you just described and think about what kind of guy she is going to want to marry. Write down a list of all the characteristics she will be looking for in a guy. If you want her to want you then you will have to make sure that list describes you.” It was an eye opening thought experiment for us as we realized that if we wanted the best we were going to have to start working on ourselves to become the best as well (somehow I lucked out and got the best even though I am still working hard on living up to my list :-)
This mirror test applies not only to dating, but to careers as well. If you want a certain job or want to be seen a certain way in your job, then ask yourself the same question: what does someone who has that job or is seen that way look like? And then go become that person.
Very often people feel frustrated in life when they don’t feel seen by the people around them. And this starts at a young age when teens often do not feel seen by their peers or by the adults in their lives. As an educator, I try to “see” who each of my students is becoming. I also focus a lot on helping students “see” multiple perspectives as a way of broadening their understanding and their empathy for others.
In life it can be hard sometimes to find people who really “see” you. People who see your signature strengths. Who see the things that are hard for you. Who see the efforts you are making. Most people just see things from their own perspective. The beautiful thing about our family is that, even if we do not get together in person as often as we would like, we always “see” each other.
So, on this Palindrome day (which is also Groundhog day - another perspective taking idea), let’s remember to try to “see” the people in our lives. Let’s build our empathy by trying to view things from other people’s perspectives. Let’s look at the world around us, full of fascinating and inspiring people, and be amazed at the beauty we sometimes miss right before our eyes.
