The Simcha of Yom Kippur

I. Yom Kippur Is The Happiest Day Of The Year

Yom Kippur is the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. We have been preparing for this day for 40 days, since Rosh Chodesh Elul (blowing Shofar, saying Selichot, and doing Teshuva), just as Moshe spent these same 40 days praying to Hashem to forgive Bnei Yisrael for the Cheit HaEigel, the sin of the Golden Calf. 

And it all culminates today on Yom Kippur. We are fasting. We are beating our chests as we recite Viduy (confession). We are digging as deep as we can to unearth who we truly are and what we really want. In some ways Yom Kippur feels like the most solemn and perhaps scary day of the year. And yet, the last Mishnah in Masechet Tannit states:

אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים

“There were never happier days for the Jews than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.”

The Mishna teaches that Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar! 
And the Gemara there (30b) explains:

יום הכפורים משום דאית ביה סליחה ומחילה יום שניתנו בו לוחות האחרונות
      
“Yom Kippur is a day of joy because it has the elements of pardon and forgiveness, 
and moreover, it is the day on which the last pair of tablets were given.”

Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar because:

1) It is the date on which Moshe came down the mountain with the 2nd Luchot.

2) It is a day of forgiveness for all who come with a sincere heart.

II. So Why Don’t We Feel Happy?

Which leaves me wondering: If it’s such a happy day then why don't we feel happy?

Granted, we are nervous about the Gmar Din, the final judgment. Will Hashem see us as sincere, as worthy, as inherently good despite our faults? But I think it goes deeper than that. Because I think for a lot of people it's not just today that happiness may feel elusive. It's like that for many people every day. We go through life and feel that something is lacking. We are overwhelmed with the many responsibilities of life. We go to work, and do our errands, and take care of our families, and pay our bills, and go to the Doctor. And maybe now and then we find a few minutes to unwind and take a breath. We may experience pleasure here and there, but is that the same as happiness? When people ask us how we are doing we may respond with the Hebrew expression, “Yom Yom,” which is basically the equivalent of something like, “Hanging in there. Taking it one day at a time.”

So on this Holy Day of Yom HaKippurim, the happiest day of the year, I find myself thinking about happiness in general and wondering how do we find true happiness in this world?

III. 4 Types of People

In 2006 Israeli Psychologist Dr. Tal Ben Shachar, a leading researcher in Positive Psychology, taught the most popular course in the history of Harvard University, a course on The Study of Happiness, with over 1400 students enrolled. In his book Happier, Dr. Ben Schachar describes 4 personality types in an attempt to understand what holds most people back from achieving true happiness. 

According to Dr. Ben Shachar some people live in the past, others in the present, and others in the future. And all 3 of them are missing something essential to true happiness. Let’s take a moment to analyze each of these personalities, and then we can identify a 4th approach that leads to true happiness.

Approach #1 - Living In The Past

The person living in the past clings to the Power of Memory to give meaning to his or her life. Even if the present reality does not match their hopes, they can always turn back to happier times for solace. Not only that, this personality type looks to the past for guidance and learns from past experience. Until you understand the past you cannot change your future. You get stuck in the same patterns. There is something powerful about this approach.

A story is told about a person traveling for many days alone. There are no road signs and he has no GPS. Finally, after walking for what seems like an eternity, he sees a crossroads up ahead. But as he gets closer he realizes that the signpost has been knocked down and turned over. And he’s not sure, should he go left, straight, or right? He sits there stuck, unsure of which direction to walk, hoping that someone else will come by and point him in the right direction. Until suddenly he realizes the obvious answer: All he has to do is pick up the sign, find the arrow with the name of his city of origin, and point it to the path he just walked on! That way he’ll know the sign is right and he will know which direction to head next. Sometimes in life we get a little lost, unsure of where we are going. One way to recalibrate our direction is to think about where we come from. That can help give us direction to our future destination as well!

However, the downside to this personality type, which Dr. Ben Shachar refers to as The Nihilist, is that he is resigned to a life without meaning or happiness. He is chained to his past, assuming that if he didn't succeed or find happiness in the past then he has no hope of finding it in the future.

Approach #2 - Living In The Future

The 2nd Personality type is someone who lives in the future. This person clings to the Power of Hope and is always planning, saving, preparing, dreaming, working towards something. This too sounds very good. Chazal tell us that “HaOlam Hazeh Prozdor LeOlam Habah - this world is a corridor to the world to come.” We are here to prepare ourselves for a better future. And they also teach us that “Eizehu Chacham? HaRoeh Et HaNolad - Who is wise? The one who can anticipate the future.” 

And yet, this personality type, which Dr. Ben Shachar calls the Rat Racer, is never satisfied, thinking that each new goal, title, accomplishment, or salary will finally bring him to happiness. The Rat Racer always feels like he is running on a treadmill. He never is able to appreciate where he is because there is always something more. He might take a temporary break here and there. But if you feel like you have to take breaks in order to  "come up for air" that may be sign that you are living for the future at the expense of the present. This is not happiness. This is relief. Dr. Ben Shachar calls this relief from stress "Negative Happiness." But this kind of happiness is only temporary.

Approach #3 - Living In The Present

A 3rd approach is someone who lives in the Present. This personality focuses on controlling what he can right now and taking advantage of what’s around him. He appreciates the moment and does not push off until tomorrow what he can do today. This too has a good side. As Chazal tell us, “Im Lo Achshav, Eimatai - If not now, when?”

However, this personality, which Dr. Ben Shachar calls the Hedonist, has great risk as well. This person who lives in the moment has no concern for the future. It's all about instant gratification. And as soon as the immediate pleasure dissipates it's on to something or someone new. There is no long term commitment or dedication. The hedonist thinks effort = pain and pleasure = happiness. They would rather enjoy what they can now with as little effort as possible.

To summarize the mistakes these 3 personality types make, Dr. Ben Shachar says the following: "The Rat Racer becomes a slave to the future; the Hedonist, a slave to the moment; the Nihilist, a slave to the past."

Approach #4 - True Happiness

So what’s the secret to a happy life? The secret is that it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. It’s not about choosing the Past, the Present, or the Future. It’s about connecting all three. It’s about knowing where you come from, setting your sights on where you want to go, and making the daily choices to progress on your journey. It’s not about arrival; it’s about progress. It’s not about being; it’s about becoming. It’s about living with purpose. It's about growing.

Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to conquer Mt. Everest. Did you know that he
failed to accomplish this on his first attempt? Speaking to the Science Academy in
England after his first unsuccessful climb, Hillary stopped in the middle of his delivery,
paused and turned toward the large mural of Everest which was on the wall, and declared, “Next time I will succeed - for I am still growing and you have stopped growing.”

In the words of Dr. Ben Shachar, "Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain, nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak."

The past inspires us to plan a bright future. But the future doesn't happen later; it happens now. It is created every moment of our lives. And the only way to succeed is to be present. As the saying goes, “The past is history. The future's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.”

V. The Time Machine

Which brings us back to today, to Yom Kippur, to this moment. Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar because it reminds us that past, present, and future are all connected. In our Tefillot of Yom Kippur we recite Viduy, focusing on the past, and we recite U’Netaneh Tokef, focusing on our future. But we also focus on our present. In Avinu Malkeinu we say “Tehei HaShaah Hazot Shaat Rachamim V’Et Ratzon Milfanecha - May this moment be one of compassion and favor before You.” And right after musaf we recite a special Tefilla called HaYom Te’Amtzeinu, in which we ask Hashem to strengthen us, bless us, and accept out Tefillot HAYOM, today.

In fact, this switching between past, present, and future has been a theme throughout the Teshuva season. On Rosh Hashana we fast forward and look to the future, planning the year to come. And then on Yom Kippur we rewind and look back on the year that was, reflecting on where we veered from the path. In a certain sense the entire Yamim Noraim is like a Time Machine that takes us back and forth between past, present, and future, reminding us that life is about connecting all three. 

So if you don’t mind, I’d like to invite you to join me in my time machine for a little trip to the future and to the past. Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back to the present.

Let’s start by looking into the future. Imagine if you knew, Lo Aleinu, that this coming year would be the last one of your life. At 1st glance that sounds scary, and B’ezrat Hashem we will all be blessed with many more years of health and happiness in this world. But just for a moment imagine what your life would be like if you knew you had one year to live. How might you live differently? What things might matter more or less to you? How do you think you might spend your days? For each of us the answer might be slightly different. But I suspect that each of us, in our own way, would find a way to infuse each and every day with meaning and purpose. We would spend time with the people we love doing the things that we find meaningful.

You may be familiar with the story of Alfred Nobel. In 1888 a newspaper obituary reported on his death and described him as a “merchant of death” who had grown rich by developing dynamite. It turns out it was a mistake and it was actually his brother who had died. So Alfred is sitting there reading his own obituary and he realizes that what he will be remembered for is inventing something whose legacy is death and war. At that point he decides he has to do something to leave a more positive legacy and he establishes the Nobel Prize, awarding the most outstanding contributions to the fields of Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature, and Peace. So I ask again, if you knew you were going to die what would you do to leave a lasting legacy?

There’s an interesting expression that you may have heard before:

“Adam Doeg Al Ibud Damav V’eino Doeg Al Ibud Yamav. Damav Chozrim. Yamav Einam Chozrim.

“A person is concerned about the loss of his money and not the loss of his days. Money can be replenished; days cannot.”

So as we get ready to reboard our time machine and travel back in time to the past, my question is simple: why can’t we live this way right now in the present? Why do we act like life has no clock, pushing off to tomorrow what we could do today?

Now let’s travel back in time. We are about to recite Yizkor. Each of us can think of people who touched our lives who are no longer with us. They could be family members, teachers, or friends. I want to invite you to close your eyes for a moment and picture a moment from the past when you were with this person and were happy. What did you learn from that person? How did they impact you? When you think about that person what makes you smile? Is there something about that person that you can try to emulate in the way you live your own life? In doing so, you not only honor their legacy; you remember where you come from which will help you on your own journey as well.

I will never forget my Rebbe, Rav Aharon Rakeffet, may he live and be well, a talmid of Rav Soloveitchik, who would always tell us "boys, with one ear I hear my Rebbe 50 years ago and with the other I hear my talmidim 50 years from now." Each of us is on our own personal journey. But we are also a link in a chain that started before us and will continue after us. And this too is the true source of our Simcha, of our happiness. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. And we each have a crucial role to play in this story.

Now let’s return to the present. Today is Yom Kippur, the happiest day in the Jewish calendar. I want to wish each of us that in a few hours, when we finish Neilah, blow the Shofar, and sing “LeShana HaBaah B’Yerushalayim” we should feel not only relief. Relief that the fast is over, and that B’Ezrat Hashem our Tefillot have been heard. We should feel true Simcha, true happiness. Because we will have a clearer sense of who we are and what we want. Because we will know that life is not about the past or the future, but about taking advantage of the present. Of making each day count. Because we will know that life is a precious gift, and that the journey of becoming and of growing is what it’s all about. 

“Tehei HaShaah Hazot Shaat Rachamim V’Et Ratzon - May this moment be one of compassion and favor.” May the simcha of Yom Kippur inspire us not only today but every day, so that we live every day of our lives with purpose, with vision, with hope, growing each day, enjoying the process of becoming who we are meant to be. And when someone asks us how we are doing, may we answer “Yom Yom,” I am making each day count and seeing it as the bracha that it is.

Gmar Chatima Tova

Siman Tov - A Drasha For Rosh Hashana

Rosh Hashana is a somewhat enigmatic chag. It is Yom HaDin, the Day of Judgment. And yet, we don’t say Viduy or Selichot, we don’t fast, and instead we dip the apple in honey and enjoy festive meals. We also have a number of interesting practices on Rosh Hashana that seems at 1st glance a bit superstitious:

-We don’t blow the shofar on Erev Rosh Hashana so as to confuse the Satan. 
-We throw our sins into the water at Tashlich. 
-We do not eat nuts, whose Gematria is Cheit. 
-Some do not take naps so that we won’t sleep the year away. 

One of the most interesting minhagim is that of the Simanei Milta, the symbolic foods that we eat to merit a year of blessing. In addition to the Tapuach V’Dvash, which we eat to merit a sweet new year, many people eat a Rimon so that our zechuyot (merits) will be as numerous as the seeds of the pomegranate, the Head of a Fish so that we will be a Rosh and not a Zanav, and many other such foods. 

In modern times I have even heard of people who will eat:

-Lettuce, Raisins, and Celery (“Let us have a raise in salary”)
-Sardines (Sar Din, removal of strict judgment)
-Bananas (Bonne Annee, Good Year, in French)
-Kiwi (“MeOlam Kivinu Lach - We always look to you with hope”)
-Olives (“May we All Live”) 
-And of course Meat (“Shenitbaser Besorot Tovot”)

What is the meaning behind this unusual practice? It almost seems like superstition. Do we really believe that just by eating these Simanim we will merit a good year?

I want to share with you one approach to this question which not only explains why we eat these Simanim on Rosh Hashana, but also teaches us a powerful lesson about Teshuva. What is a SIMAN? The concept of a SIMAN comes up in the mitzvah of Hashavat Aveidah, Returning a Lost Object. A SIMAN is an identifying mark. If you lose an object you can prove that it is yours if the item has your name on it or some other unique feature that you can point to to prove that it is yours. Without a SIMAN the owner has YIUSH, despair of ever seeing their object again, in which case the object becomes Hefker, ownerless. But with a SIMAN the owner retains hope.

Could it be that the SIMANIM of Rosh Hashana are here to remind us that we too are searching for something lost? The word Teshuva means Return. It shares the same shoresh with Hashavat Aveida. What is it that we have lost? What are we searching for? When we do Teshuva to what are we returning?

-Of course, on one level, we are returning to Hashem.

-And we are also returning to ourselves. To the real us inside. To the best version of ourselves.

I want to invite each of us to imagine for a moment our best version of ourselves. Many of us are more used to thinking about our shortcomings. But for a moment, really try to picture what that looks and feels like. What qualities do we like about ourselves? When we are at our best what do other people like about us? In this version of ourselves how do we handle adversity or failure? When we wake up each morning, what kind of attitude and mindset would we have? Imagine if you could really live your life like this.

Now I want to invite us each to take a moment to reflect on our actual reality. Because we’re not always at our best. We sometimes get discouraged, and jealous, and stressed out. We doubt ourselves. We make mistakes. We act selfishly. We lose sight of our goals. We settle for average. We stop trying to grow. At some point in our lives, often without even realizing it, we adopt a fixed mindset: This is who I am. I’ll never be anything more.

It’s not that we’re evil people. We’re good people who mean well and generally try to treat others well and do the right thing. But in falling into this routine we lose sight of our true identity, of who we could be if we were great, if we were the best version of ourselves. At some point we lose our SIMAN, our identifying mark, that inner concept of what we are working towards, of who we could be, of who we really are. And so we have YIUSH. We give up hope of ever being that person. Maybe we don’t even remember that such a version of ourselves exists.

Which brings us back to this moment. To Rosh Hashana. To the mitzvah of Teshuva. Some people feel discouraged by the fact that every year we are back in shul on Rosh Hashana making similar pledges to the ones we made the year before. But maybe a different way to look at it is that Teshuva is a gift from Hashem. That it is human nature to stray off course sometimes, and that Hashem, who created us and knows us better than we know ourselves, gave us this gift of Teshuva to help us recalibrate and get back on track, like a GPS recalculating its route to help the driver reach their destination.

Rather than viewing these Simanim as some hocus pocus formula to try to convince Hashem to grant us a good year, perhaps we are really meant to perform them in order to remind ourselves of our own SIMANIM, our own internal identities that define who we really are deep down, what our deepest desires, hopes, and dreams really are.

You know, sometimes it is easier to see the beauty and the potential in others than it is too see it in ourselves. Sometimes all it takes is a word, a look, a hug from a friend or loved one to remind us of who we really are, of how much we are really worth. Look no further than Rachel and Leah in the Torah. Rachel, in an incredible act of self-sacrifice, gives her sister Leah the Simanim, the signs that she and Yaakov had made between them for their wedding night. She sees how special her sister is and wants to make sure that Leah sees that in herself as well. This Rosh Hashana, in addition to thinking about your own Simanim, tell the people in your life what you see when you look at them. Perform the mitzvah of Hashavat Aveidah and remind them of their Simanim, of their special unique qualities, so that they can return to themselves, to the person they are becoming.

If we are having a hard time finding our own Simanim, and even our friends and loved ones have not been able to perform Hashavat Aveida and restore them to us, there is one more path for rediscovering who we really are. Sometimes Hashem Himself will send us a Siman, a sign, helping us get on track.

I will share with you one story that happened to me to illustrate this point. A number of years ago I was driving home from a Rabbinic conference and I was thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. Did I want to be a pulpit Rabbi? Become a school leader? Go into business? I had been doing a Cheshbon HaNefesh, a bit of soul searching, about this, and was deep in thought when suddenly I noticed a white pickup truck in the lane next to me with crates of chickens in the back. I didn’t think twice about it until a moment later I noticed something unbelievable. On the driver’s side door, in black letters, were the letters RABI LEVIT. Now, Rabbi has two B’s and Levitt has two T’s, but that’s pretty close, right? I couldn’t believe it. What are the odds of seeing your name on a truck driving next to you? I said to myself, this must be a sign from Hashem! But what is He telling me? That I feel trapped and want out? Or maybe the opposite: that I shouldn’t be a chicken but should go for it? Or maybe that I should become a shochet! 

The truth is, what exactly the message was is not important for right now. What I want to share from that story is that I believe Hashem is always sending us signs. It’s just that we usually don’t have our antennas tuned in to catch the signal. It may not always be with our name on a car right next to us. Maybe I needed something obvious because I was missing all the other signs. The Simanim Hashem sends us might be in the form of a person we meet, a dream we have, something we learn in the parsha, who knows? If we lose sight of our own Simanim, of our own identifying marks, sometimes we are lucky enough to have a family member, friend, or teacher remind us of them. But if even that fails, let’s remember that Hashem never forgets who we are and how great we can become.

This Rosh Hashana, our Avodah is to find our Siman, our inner essence, our identifying mark. We are about to blow the Shofar. The Shofar is beyond words. It comes from the deepest part of us. And our mitzvah is “Lishmoah Kol Shofar,” to hear the sound of the Shofar and to internalize its message. To let the sound of the Shofar penetrate all the layers that have covered up our true identity hidden deep down. Listen to the Shofar. Let it uncover your Siman. Remind yourself of your deepest hopes and dreams. Remind yourself not to have Yiush, despair, but rather to have great hope and optimism. Because Hashem loves you and knows the greatness within you. This Rosh Hashana let’s find ourselves. We are the Aveida, the lost object, but the mitzvah of Teshuva is a gift that helps us find ourselves. 

Before eating each of the Simanim we recite a formula which starts with the words, “Yehi Ratzon Milfanecha Hashem Elokeinu V’Elokei Avoteinu - May it be Your will Hashem our God, the God of our ancestors.” Let me leave us all with the bracha that this Rosh Hashana we should search for the lost objects inside us: the hope, the optimism, the spirituality, the kindness, and the goodness, which we each possess. Yehi Ratzon, May it be Hashem’s will, that we should each see our own potential and strive to live a life that reaches those ideals. When those days come that we lose sight of who we really are, may we be surrounded by friends who will remind us. And when even that fails, may we tune our antennas to receive the Simanim Hashem sends us every day of our lives.

I wish each of you a Shana Tova, a year of growth, of purpose, of health, and of happiness. A year of Siman Tov U’Mazal Tov.

Shana Tova

One Giant Leap For Mankind

When I was a kid I was always fascinated by anything having to do with space. I would always build lego space shuttles. And I would read anything I could about planets and astronomy. So this week when I had a chance to take my twins to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum to see Neil Armstrong's space suit that he wore on the moon I could not pass up the opportunity. There was also an Apollo 50 festival on the National Mall with really cool exhibits by NASA scientists about things like the International Space Station and a future mission to Mars.

Today is the 50th anniversary of the Moon Landing. It's really incredible to think about how they were able to successfully land on the moon with the technology they had back then. To even dream it took incredible vision, and when President Kennedy spoke in September 1962 about landing a man on the moon within the decade I wonder how many people believed that this vision would come true less than 7 years later. JFK knew it wouldn't be easy. He even said that "we do these things not because they are easy but because they are hard." But when you have a dream and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it a reality nothing can stop you.

Everyone is familiar with Armstrong's famous line: "that's one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind." But it is something else he once said that really resonates with me. Reflecting on that moment on the moon Armstrong later recalled, "it suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very very small."

Just 7 months earlier the Apollo 8 mission was the 1st to successfully orbit the moon. It was a crucial step, especially after the tragedy of Apollo 1 in which 3 astronauts were killed in a training fire. The Apollo 8 crew read from Breishit ("In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...") and took the 1st photo of the earthrise over the moon. One of the crew, Bill Anders, said "We came to explore the moon and what we discovered was the Earth." He reflected, "This is not a very big place, why can't we get along?"

50 years ago today the world sat riveted at their TV sets, seeing something happen they never thought possible. On the one hand there is a tremendous lesson about the greatness of man. When we work together we can achieve amazing things. And on the other hand it is a reminder that we all share this home called earth, and that despite differences of politics, religion, language, and geography, we are all united.

Most of the time we focus on ourselves and the small step we take. But every once in a while we are reminded of the giant leaps we can take not only for ourselves but for all mankind.

Rina's Bat Mitzvah Speech (6/15/19)

Shabbat Shalom.

This week we read the parsha of Nasso. In studying the parsha there were many interesting things to read about and many that I could have spoken about. After all it is a veeeery long parsha. But don’t worry. My speech won’t be quite as long!

After reading my parsha I decided to focus on the section that describes the laws of the Nazir. I found this section fascinating and wanted to delve deeper into what the Nazir was really all about.

The Nazir takes on 3 restrictions as a means of growing closer to Hashem:

-He or she may not drink or eat anything derived from grapes

-He or she may not cut their hair

-He or she may not become Tameh (impure) by being anywhere near a dead body, not even for close relatives.

At the end of the Nazir period the Nazir shaves his or her head and offers several Korbanot, including a Korban Chatat, a sin offering.

Why does a Nazir bring a Korban Chatat at the end of his or her term as a Nazir?

Ramban says the sin was stopping to be a Nazir. Once he or she reached such a level of holiness, says Ramban, they never should have stopped. After all, the Gemara teaches “Ma’alin BaKodesh V’Ein Moridin - We go up in holiness and not down.” That makes sense to me. But I have a harder time understanding the opinion of Chazal.

The Gemara in Nedarim 10a says that the sin of the Nazir was in taking on these extra restrictions in the 1st place. But why is that a bad thing? In school we are sometimes offered extra credit opportunities by our teachers. 1st we have to do the work assigned to us. But if we want to go further and do optional work we receive extra credit. Applying this to the Nazir, the question becomes why should a Nazir, who is doing “extra credit” and taking on more rules in order to be closer to Hashem, have to bring a Korban Chatat, a sin offering, at the end of his or her term as a Nazir? If anything he or she should be rewarded!

Perhaps the answer is that although the Nazir has good intentions, he or she should not have needed to add rules to the Torah in order to grow close to Hashem. Rambam (in Hilchot Deot) says that a person should not take on extra restrictions like a Nazir. He quotes Chazal who say “is what the Torah prohibited not enough for you that you have to take on more prohibitions?” Instead, Rambam advocates that in all matters a person should take the middle road, the Middah Beinonit.

Some of you may know that I live with a disease called Diabetes. This means that my body does not produce insulin and as a result I have to receive insulin artificially through a pump in order to make sure my blood sugar does not get too high or too low. If I get too low I have to eat carbs. If I get too high I have to give myself insulin. Like Rambam says, I have to constantly make sure to stay balanced: not too high and not too low. Although at 1st Ramban made more sense to me (“once you have a high you should stay high”), after thinking about it I think I relate more to Chazal (“always stay balanced in the middle”).

The Nazir’s mistake is thinking that certain things should be avoided altogether. What Hashem really wants from us is to enjoy this amazing world, but to do so in the right way and at the right time by keeping the mitzvot of the Torah. As a Diabetic, I do not have to avoid my favorite foods. I can eat whatever I want, as long as I plan for it by giving myself insulin 1st.

As I become a Bat Mitzvah and start to take responsibility for my mitzvot I am reminded that they are there to guide me and help me, just like insulin for my body. They will help me grow closer to Hashem and develop my middot. And they will allow me to do all the great things I want to do in this world.

And this is a lesson we can all apply to our lives, to find the middle road. It is better to serve Hashem with consistency than to have ups and downs. And we can do this through Tefilla, Torah, and Chesed.

I have prepared for my Bat Mitzvah in all 3 of these areas:

I daven each week at the Teen Minyan where I sit with my Ima and daven together. I especially love the singing at the Friday night Ruach minyan.

I learned Torah with my Ima, through the Matan Bat Mitzvah program, and with my Abba and brother, by learning all of Seder Moed Mishnayot together.

And I did a Chesed project in which my family took part in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation walk and raised over $1000 for Juvenile Diabetes research.

And now for a few Thank You’s:

I am grateful to this community, shul, and Rabbi Weinberg for welcoming our family in so warmly since we moved here last summer.

I have made so many great friends this year and am so happy to be living here. [“You guys are awesome!”]

I would also like to thank all my teachers at Berman Academy for supporting me and helping me in all my studies.

I am very grateful that so many friends and family have come to join me this Shabbat for my Bat Mitzvah. Some have come from around the corner, while others have come from as far as Israel, Florida, Texas, Massachusetts, Missouri, Georgia, New Jersey, and New York.

I would like to thank my grandparents:

Grandy and Papa, thank you for helping me when I need help and for taking me out to different fun activities. I love going to your house on Shabbat and having סעודה שׁלישׁית. I especially love the ice cream!

Savta and Zeidy, thank you for your constant love and for everything you do for me. From coming over to my house all the way from New Jersey for a fun Shabbat and supporting me in all I do. Savta, I think I inherited some of your creative genes - so thank you!

Thank you to all my Aunts and Uncles for always making me smile. You make me laugh and I have so much fun with each of you.

Thank you to all my cousins for playing games with me, having good conversations, and we can’t forget making meals so much fun when you come over or we come to you. I feel so lucky to finally live closer to you all.

Now it is time for my siblings. Ok where do I start? First of all let me start with Shira. Dear Shira, thank you for facetiming me while you are in college and making me feel better when I stub my toe. And now that I think about it I don’t do it as much anymore now that you’re home. I am the luckiest girl to have the most amazing big sister who will do anything for me! I love you so much!

Simcha, my twin, thank you for helping me with math and making me feel better when I am sad. You always manage to make me laugh just when I need it. Thank you for not always kicking me out of your room and in general for being my best friend. By the way, I know all the attention has been on me this weekend, even though you have a birthday too this week, but don’t worry, it will be your turn next year!

Warning you Ima and Abba: here come the waterworks. Ima and Abba, thank you for spending so much time with me and working so hard to create this amazing bat mitzvah. Abba thank you for learning the whole seder moed of mishna with me for my bat mitzvah. Thank you for always checking on me to make sure I am ok, physically and emotionally. I can’t express how much I love you. Ima, thank you for always making me laugh baking with me and taking me out shopping. You make me smile all the time. I love you so much.

Thank you both for providing for our family and always being there for us whenever we need anything. Thanks for all the fun vacations, the birthday songs, posting pictures of us on facebook, the Friday night stories, the T.V. show marathons, and the urban adventure quests. Thanks for giving us a safe and beautiful environment to grow up in, and thanks for being the amazing role models you both are.

Last but not least, I would like to thank Hashem for all the blessings and amazing people in my life. As my Doda Rachel always says, “Hashem is the best!”

Thank you and Shabbat Shalom.

A Letter To My Holy Twins

On this 12th birthday of our twins, Rina and Simcha, let me share the letter I wrote to them the week they were born, which I shared at Simcha's Brit Milah. It not only gives a little insight into our family. It also, I hope, can serve as inspiration and chizuk to others who have struggled with infertility. May Hashem grant your prayers and bless you with the children you so desire.

A Letter To My Holy Twins – Aaron Levitt – 6/20/07

I hope you’ll all forgive me if I address my remarks this morning to the two newest people in the room, Rina Yocheved and Simcha Elazar. I wrote them a letter last night which I’d like to read to them out loud. It’s called “A Letter To My Holy Twins.”

My shayna kinderlach, my Rina Yocheved and my Simcha Elazar, right now you have no idea just how much joy you have brought to so many people. But I hope one day you will find this letter and read it again and then you will know what it is that all of us here are feeling today.

My beautiful children, right now all that matters to you is sleeping, and eating, being changed and being held. And thank God there are so many loving people who are so eager to take care of you both. But I don’t think you have any idea just how lucky you are. So listen carefully, children. Let me tell you a little bit about some of the people in your lives so that you’ll see just how fortunate you both are:


I. The People That Made This Day Possible

Let me start by telling you about some of the people that made this day possible. Because by all accounts we have no business standing here today, holding you in our arms. After three pregnancy losses we were told by the doctors that there was nothing else we could try. But my children, when you want something bad enough you never give up. There’s always a way. It may not be the path you had imagined but it can still lead you to where you want to go. These are some of the people who helped us along that path.

Six years ago this summer, our family suffered our 1st loss, followed by another 9 months later. It was devastating in so many ways. But there were people who believed in us, who were willing to help us think outside the box. There were Rabbis and Doctors and Lawyers who helped us along the path that led us here today.

My Rebbe, Rabbi Mordechai Willig, put us in touch with Machon Puah, the Institute in Jerusalem that is on the cutting edge of infertility and halacha, that helps thousands of couples like us pursue their dreams of building a family. We spoke with Rav Gideon Weitzman, who consulted with the head of Machon Puah, Rav Menachem Burstein. Together with Rav Willig they came back to us with a psak that we could use a surrogate, as long as we could find a single Jewish female. We went to see a talmid of Rav Willig’s, Rabbi Dr. Zalman Levine, who is a fertility doctor in New Jersey. He helped us search for a surrogate through his directories and by posting messages on our behalf on Teaneck shuls. Although the search did not lead to a match, it transformed the idea of surrogacy for us from theory to reality. Now we knew that it could really happen.

Four years ago we decided to move to Boca, and at that time Rav Willig told us if you’re moving to Boca then Rabbi Kenneth Brander will be your posek. Rabbi Brander, who trained with Machon Puah for a year, was an extremely important part of this process moving forward. He would often say to me “Aaron, who knows, maybe the whole reason you guys came down to Boca was so that you could find your surrogate.” Rabbi Brander supported us throughout this process and even put us in touch with S’Gulah, a local fund started by members of our shul that helps couples in the community undergoing infertility challenges. After Rabbi Brander and his family moved up to New Jersey he still stayed involved, interested in helping in any way he could. And Rabbi Efrem Goldberg got involved as well, helping us navigate this groundbreaking halachic process.

There were other Rabbis who played important roles as well. Rabbi Benjamin Yudin of Fair Lawn, NJ was there for us after each of our losses, crying along with us, helping us with the burial, and always encouraging us not to give up hope. Rabbi Yamin Levy, who literally wrote the book on Pregnancy Loss from a Jewish perspective, inspired us to reach out to other couples experiencing fertility challenges as well, and kept on believing in us no matter what. And Rabbi Shmuel Rabinovici, of our Kollel here in Boca, would constantly ask how we were doing and offer to talk out ideas or be a listening ear.

Despite the widespread support on the Rabbinic and Halachic fronts, we still needed to find a woman who would agree to carry our child. We had literally searched for over four years, all over the world, and had no luck, until last Pesach when our lawyer, Charlotte Danciu, who is here to celebrate with us today, called us up and told us that she had a Passover present for us. This was almost exactly a year after our third and most recent pregnancy loss, one which was especially painful due to the high-risk medical procedures that it involved. She knew an amazing woman named Linda who was single and Jewish, and was willing to be a surrogate for us. Can you imagine? What kind of a holy person must she be to help us make our dreams come true? We met Linda and her wonderful family, who are here with us today as well, and they were also so supportive and loving. They are truly amazing people.

We went to Drs. Moshe Peres and Michael Matilsky at Boca Fertility. They guided us all through every step of the process and even allowed us to come into the lab and actually participate in making this miracle happen. How many parents can say that they knew their children on the cellular level?

We waited a few weeks to find out if Linda was pregnant with our child. It was Parshat Noach, which many suggest is a symbol for pregnancy and the womb, when we got the call that indeed our prayers had been answered. You were no longer just a dream, but were becoming a reality. And just a few weeks later, during the week of Parshat Toldot, the parsha in which Rivka gives birth to twins, we got the call that we too were blessed not just with one miracle, but with twins. We were at the same time humbled, excited and nervous, but most of all we were immensely grateful to Linda and to God. Throughout the pregnancy, Linda was amazing, never complaining, always with a smile. She took great care of you guys, and we are all very fortunate to have found her. It made perfect sense when we realized that you were born on 6-13 since this whole process was so clearly Yad Hashem, the hand of God. But what really blew me away was when I realized that Rina was born at 2:16pm and Simcha at 2:18pm. Because when you add those two numbers together you get 434 which in Gematria = Teled (She will give birth). We feel very strongly that finding Linda was bashert, and that this whole process was a clear manifestation of Yad Hashem, of God’s hand in our lives.

Anyway, these are some of the people that I want you to know about, my children, because without their love and support we would not be here celebrating today.


II. Some of The Other Special People In Your Lives

And now let me tell you about some of the other special people in your lives so that you will really start to realize just how lucky you are. You are part of an amazing community. Our friends, both here in Boca as well as those from London, Gruss, and Washington Heights, have been there with us through thick and thin. Their support has been never-ending and their encouragement has been unwavering. They have prayed for you guys for so long, and they are so thrilled that you are finally here. Many of these friends are here with us today, while others are not here in person but are with us nonetheless. You are very lucky to be part of such a caring group of friends.

You’re even more fortunate to have such an amazing family, whom you are just starting to get to know. Your grandparents and great-grandparents are the most loving, caring, giving, supporting people in the world. They will do anything for you. And they love you more than anything else in the whole world. Seeing them hold you makes it clear how badly they wanted you to come and how happy they are that you are here. As you grow older you will learn that your uncles and aunts are so much fun and that they love you as if you are their own. And just wait until you meet all your cousins who cannot wait to get their hands all over you. I know it won’t be long before all you cousins are busy getting into mischief together. You are very blessed to come from such a loving and supportive family.

There is one special person who loves you more than anyone, and she has been waiting for you for a long, long time. We would sometimes ask your big sister Shira “if you could daven for just one thing from Hashem what would it be?” And every single time she would give the same answer: “a brother and a sister.” Well, Shira got her wish and learned a powerful lesson about Tefilla along the way: you may not get what you want right away but you should never stop davening. Shira is going to teach you guys everything she knows. She will show you how to be so creative and artistic. She will teach you songs and mitzvot. She has a big heart and you are very lucky to have her as your big sister.

But most of all you are blessed to have a mother who is the most giving person that I know. Ima is going to take the best care of you. And you should know that she will always believe in you. Throughout this whole process Ima always had such strong Emunah, such strong faith that this day would come. And when Ima believes in something it eventually comes true. If I tried my hardest I could not imagine a better wife or mother than your Ima. We are all extremely blessed to have her in our lives.


III. How Lucky We Feel

These are the people in your lives that you need to know about in order to appreciate just how lucky you are. But before I finish, I want to tell you how lucky your Ima and I feel right now. Because you see, sometimes you don’t appreciate or understand things until much later down the line. In the middle of the chapter it may be hard to grasp how that sudden plot twist will affect the rest of the story. It is only after you complete the chapter that things start to get a little clearer.

Hashem has blessed our family now with six children. Three of them were such pure holy neshamot that He decided to keep them with Him in shamayim. And we fully believe that we will meet those children again in the World to Come. As we celebrate this special occasion today those 3 neshamot are very much on our minds and in our hearts where they will always remain.

But now, in addition to our very special Shira, of whom we are so proud and for whom we thank Hashem each and every day, we now have the two of you as well. And I have to tell you, after everything we have been through, this simcha is so much deeper, so much sweeter, than anything we could have ever imagined. And your Ima and Abba are so much closer than we ever could have been.

At the last funeral, two years ago, I chose two mizmorim of tehillim, chapters of psalms, to recite which I found particularly meaningful. We read the “Shir HaMaalot” that is recited before Birkat Hamazon (126), and we recited “Mizmor Shir Chanukat HaBayit L’David (30).” And the reason was very simple. It was because we felt the need to affirm our belief that in the end this day would still come. That was also why we named that girl Emunah, Faith, because we felt a strong need to reaffirm our Emunah and strengthen our resolve.

“Shir HaMaalot” contains one of the most beautiful expressions in Tanach. It says “Ha’Zor’im B’Dim’ah B’Rina Yiktzoru – Those who plant with tears will sow with joyous song.” This expression means so much to your Abba and Ima because it says to us that even when it looks like all your hopes and dreams are being buried in the ground, in truth you are just planting the seeds for the ultimate joy down the line. The word Rina actually appears 3x in the mizmor. We resolved right then that we when the time would come that Hashem would bless us with a girl we would call her Rina.

“Mizmor Shir Chanukat HaBayit L’David” also contains a very powerful and uplifting idea. It says “Hafachta Mispidi L’Machol Li Pitachta Saki V’Tiazreini Simcha – You have transformed for me my eulogy into dancing / you have opened my sack and granted me happiness.” Once again, this mizmor said to us that things can turn around. Hesped, eulogy, can be transformed into Simcha, into happiness.

My holy twins, Rina and Simcha, your names were not just chosen because they sound nice. Your names represent your essence, what you’re all about. It is the bracha of your Abba and Ima that you should live lives of Rina and Simcha, of joy and happiness, that you should continue to spread that joy and happiness to others around you, and that you should always remember that even when things are not going as you hope, it is never too late, it can still turn around.

We also gave you middle names that reflect our profound sense of HaKarat Hatov, of gratitude to God for making this whole process possible. “Yocheved,” for Elisheva’s grandmother and great-grandmother, refers to the honor of God, and “Elazar”, who also happened to be the son of Aaron and Elisheva in the Torah, means that God helped. It was fascinating to me that when I went back and looked at the paragraph of “Mizmor Shir” it contains all four names, as well as that of Shira.

My special children, let me conclude by saying thanks. Not just thanks to the shul for hosting, to Eli Amsalem for catering, to Dr. Goldman for flying down to be the mohel, and to the friends and family who flew down from all over in order to be with us on this special occasion. Not just thanks to all the people who helped us get to this point, from family, to friends, to Rabbis, to doctors, and to lawyers. Not just a profound thanks to Linda and her family for truly earning the title of Eishet Chayil, a woman of valor, by making this dream come true for us. And not just thanks to my wife Elisheva for bringing me two more children and for being my partner and best friend in everything that I do.

Let me conclude by saying thanks to Hashem. Because you see, this entire story, in my opinion, is nothing less than a Neis, a miracle. What we are celebrating right now at this seudat hodaah is the miracle of life, which in this case is easier to see, but which should never ever be taken for granted.

Me’et Hashem Hayta Zot Hi Niflat B’Einenu – This all comes from God and it is amazing in our eyes

Zeh HaYom Asah Hashem Nagilah V’Nismicha Vo – This is the day that Hashem made. Let us rejoice and celebrate it.

Words cannot express our gratitude to God for this amazing miracle, so let me finish by quoting from the siddur (Nishmat Kol Chai):

Ilu Finu Maleh Shira Kaaym U’lshoneinu Rina K’Hamon Galav…

Ein Anachnu Maspikim Lehodot Lecha Hashem Elokeinu V’Elokei Avoteinu U’Levarech Et Shemecha Al Achat M’Aleph Eleph Alphei Alaphim V’Ribei Rivivot Peamim HaTovot Sha’Asitah Im Avoteinu V’Imanu.

Were our mouth as full of song as the sea, and our tongue as full of joyous song as its multitude of waves…we still could not thank You sufficiently, Hashem our God and God of our forefathers, and to bless Your name for even one of the thousand thousand, thousands of thousands and myriad myriads of favors that you performed for our ancestors and for us.

Thank You

Happy DiaBirthday

Three years ago this Shabbat, in 2016, we rushed our daughter Rina to the hospital and discovered that she has Diabetes. It was also a 3 day Yom Tov that year with Shabbat leading into Shavuot. That, of course, was a very scary time. Every year around Shavuot we think of this. We also think of the 1st flood we endured in Houston in 2015 which occurred Motzaei Shavuot. Life is certainly not always easy, but I am always amazed at the strength Hashem grants us when we need it the most.

I want to just share a brief reflection on how far we have come since what is called in the Diabetes community, Rina's DiaBirthday (she actually had her real 9th birthday in the hospital that year as well). Diabetes in some ways takes over your life. It has certainly gotten more routine over time, as we all learn to live with this new reality. Rina now wears a sensor and insulin pump which helps a lot. And she can even change it herself. But for many months we had to wake her up every few hours at night to prick her finger and check her blood sugar. We all adjusted to lack of sleep. Rina has learned how to monitor her sugar and make sure she never lets her blood sugar level get too high or too low. She has to give herself insulin 15 minutes before she eats carbs and cannot eat if she is too high. She still has to inject or prick herself sometimes, but she does so like a pro. We ask Rina her number every night before bed and every time she wants to eat. And if she wants to go to a friend's house or a school trip we have to put in place plans for her safety. We live with this disease 24 hours a day but have learned how to not let it stop Rina from doing everything she wants to do.

This past Sunday we participated, as a family, in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation walk in Washington DC to raise money for Diabetes research. It was truly inspiring to walk with thousands of other people who also have adjusted to a new reality in their lives. Sometimes it can feel like you are the only one and no one else can relate but this reminded us how many other families there are out there like us. We raised over $1000 for research ourselves, and are inspired to keep doing what we can to help find a cure for this disease. 

If you would like to donate you can do so on this link: 

https://www2.jdrf.org/site/TR?fr_id=7617&pg=personal&px=12269760

My wife Elisheva started a facebook page a few years ago called Jewish Parents Of Kids With Diabetes which serves as a forum for parents to share advice and offer chizuk one to another. It now has over 80 members and grows weekly.

Next Shabbat we celebrate Rina's Bat Mitzvah and will do so with all the Hakarat HaTov any parent would feel towards Hashem. But we will also feel extra pride in having a daughter who is so strong and positive. And we will thank Hashem for all the blessings He has given us as well as the strength He gives us to get through life's challenges.

Seder Discussion Themes

Seder Discussion Themes - Rabbi Aaron Levitt

Kadesh

Where and when do we experience holiness in our lives?

What do we do to create or capture moments of inspiration in our lives?

Urchatz

What types of situations do we prepare for in our lives and not just wing it?

Karpas

How does “dipping” into past bitterness help make the present taste sweeter?

Yachatz

What feels broken or incomplete in our lives?

Where do we feel disconnected?

What machloket or brogez do we hold onto in our lives?

Maggid

If you could tell someone the story of overcoming something in your life what would it be?

What messages do we put out there every day without even realizing it?

Ha Lachma Anya

Do we mind our own business or think of others who are lonely or need help?

What hardships did our ancestors experience for us to be here today?

What does Freedom mean to us?

Ma Nishtana

What Big Questions do we have in our lives?

Avadim HaYinu

What is the benefit of remembering tough times?

Think back to a tough time in your life and consider how things could have played out differently

5 Rabbis in Bnei Brak

Have you ever gotten so involved in something that you lost track of time?

R’ Elazar Ben Azaryah

Have you ever felt older or wiser than your years?

Baruch HaMakom

What are you thankful to God for?

The 4 Sons

How are your children, your siblings, your students different from one another?

Have you ever experienced personalized customer service? Or the opposite?

How do we ensure that every child feels welcome at the table?

Are the 4 sons different people or is there a little of each of them in us?

Yachol MeRosh Chodesh

Timing is everything - Have you ever experienced that in your life?

Mitchila Ovdei Avodah Zarah

What can we learn from the mistakes of the past?

Baruch Shomer Havtachato

Do we trust Hashem to look out for us?

Are we patient and faithful even if it takes a long time?

Do we keep our word to others?

V’Hi She’Amda

Have we ever personally experienced Antisemitism?
What has gotten us through tough times as a People? A Family? Individuals?

How do we develop Resiliency?

Tzeh U’Lemad

Has Assimilation affected our families?

How do we ensure that we do not lose our Jewish identity?

Makkot

Have we ever doubted whether there is justice only to see it some time later?

What should we feel and think when we witness the downfall of our enemies?

Dayenu

Do we ever feel satisfied or are we always hungry for more

Is there anything in our lives we feel we do not really deserve?

Pesach, Matzah, Marror

Do we ever do things on autopilot without stopping to think why we do them?

Bechol Dor VaDor

As adults do we forget to tap into our imagination?

What is the power of imagination?

Why is it important to feel a personal connection to our Judaism?

Rachtza

What would we want to wash away or clean up about ourselves?

Motzi Matzah

In what ways do we feel rich and in what ways do we feel poor?

What artifact would we choose if wanted to commemorate a pivotal moment in our lives?

Marror

What hardships have we endured that still leave their mark?

Does thinking about the hard times we have experienced make us feel weak or strong?

Korech

How do we integrate the opposite aspects of our personalities?

Shulchan Orech

Why are certain foods so meaningful? What memories or feelings do they conjure?

What stories and traditions are important to our family?

Tzafun

What is something about us that we keep hidden and do not share?

What holds us back from being more vulnerable and open?

What potential do we have inside us that has not yet come out?

Barech

What blessings do we have in our lives?

What brachot would we like to wish upon others?

Eliyahu HaNavi

What does Eliyahu HaNavi represent for us?

Is it ok to wish vengeance against those who have wronged us?

Hallel

What are we thankful for in our lives?

If we were given a lifetime achievement award who would we thank in our speech?

Why don’t we actually call those people up to tell them what they have meant to us?

Nirtzah

What are our hopes and dreams for the future?

Is Aliyah in our plans? If not, how do we feel the connection to Eretz Yisrael?

Echad Mi Yodeah and Chad Gadya

Do we ever zoom out and notice the patterns in our lives?

What lessons have we learned that we wish to take with us from this Seder?