I. Yom Kippur Is The Happiest Day Of The Year
Yom Kippur is the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. We have been preparing for this day for 40 days, since Rosh Chodesh Elul (blowing Shofar, saying Selichot, and doing Teshuva), just as Moshe spent these same 40 days praying to Hashem to forgive Bnei Yisrael for the Cheit HaEigel, the sin of the Golden Calf.
And it all culminates today on Yom Kippur. We are fasting. We are beating our chests as we recite Viduy (confession). We are digging as deep as we can to unearth who we truly are and what we really want. In some ways Yom Kippur feels like the most solemn and perhaps scary day of the year. And yet, the last Mishnah in Masechet Tannit states:
אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים
“There were never happier days for the Jews than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.”
The Mishna teaches that Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar!
And the Gemara there (30b) explains:
יום הכפורים משום דאית ביה סליחה ומחילה יום שניתנו בו לוחות האחרונות
“Yom Kippur is a day of joy because it has the elements of pardon and forgiveness,
and moreover, it is the day on which the last pair of tablets were given.”
Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar because:
1) It is the date on which Moshe came down the mountain with the 2nd Luchot.
2) It is a day of forgiveness for all who come with a sincere heart.
II. So Why Don’t We Feel Happy?
Which leaves me wondering: If it’s such a happy day then why don't we feel happy?
Granted, we are nervous about the Gmar Din, the final judgment. Will Hashem see us as sincere, as worthy, as inherently good despite our faults? But I think it goes deeper than that. Because I think for a lot of people it's not just today that happiness may feel elusive. It's like that for many people every day. We go through life and feel that something is lacking. We are overwhelmed with the many responsibilities of life. We go to work, and do our errands, and take care of our families, and pay our bills, and go to the Doctor. And maybe now and then we find a few minutes to unwind and take a breath. We may experience pleasure here and there, but is that the same as happiness? When people ask us how we are doing we may respond with the Hebrew expression, “Yom Yom,” which is basically the equivalent of something like, “Hanging in there. Taking it one day at a time.”
So on this Holy Day of Yom HaKippurim, the happiest day of the year, I find myself thinking about happiness in general and wondering how do we find true happiness in this world?
III. 4 Types of People
In 2006 Israeli Psychologist Dr. Tal Ben Shachar, a leading researcher in Positive Psychology, taught the most popular course in the history of Harvard University, a course on The Study of Happiness, with over 1400 students enrolled. In his book Happier, Dr. Ben Schachar describes 4 personality types in an attempt to understand what holds most people back from achieving true happiness.
According to Dr. Ben Shachar some people live in the past, others in the present, and others in the future. And all 3 of them are missing something essential to true happiness. Let’s take a moment to analyze each of these personalities, and then we can identify a 4th approach that leads to true happiness.
Approach #1 - Living In The Past
The person living in the past clings to the Power of Memory to give meaning to his or her life. Even if the present reality does not match their hopes, they can always turn back to happier times for solace. Not only that, this personality type looks to the past for guidance and learns from past experience. Until you understand the past you cannot change your future. You get stuck in the same patterns. There is something powerful about this approach.
A story is told about a person traveling for many days alone. There are no road signs and he has no GPS. Finally, after walking for what seems like an eternity, he sees a crossroads up ahead. But as he gets closer he realizes that the signpost has been knocked down and turned over. And he’s not sure, should he go left, straight, or right? He sits there stuck, unsure of which direction to walk, hoping that someone else will come by and point him in the right direction. Until suddenly he realizes the obvious answer: All he has to do is pick up the sign, find the arrow with the name of his city of origin, and point it to the path he just walked on! That way he’ll know the sign is right and he will know which direction to head next. Sometimes in life we get a little lost, unsure of where we are going. One way to recalibrate our direction is to think about where we come from. That can help give us direction to our future destination as well!
However, the downside to this personality type, which Dr. Ben Shachar refers to as The Nihilist, is that he is resigned to a life without meaning or happiness. He is chained to his past, assuming that if he didn't succeed or find happiness in the past then he has no hope of finding it in the future.
Approach #2 - Living In The Future
The 2nd Personality type is someone who lives in the future. This person clings to the Power of Hope and is always planning, saving, preparing, dreaming, working towards something. This too sounds very good. Chazal tell us that “HaOlam Hazeh Prozdor LeOlam Habah - this world is a corridor to the world to come.” We are here to prepare ourselves for a better future. And they also teach us that “Eizehu Chacham? HaRoeh Et HaNolad - Who is wise? The one who can anticipate the future.”
And yet, this personality type, which Dr. Ben Shachar calls the Rat Racer, is never satisfied, thinking that each new goal, title, accomplishment, or salary will finally bring him to happiness. The Rat Racer always feels like he is running on a treadmill. He never is able to appreciate where he is because there is always something more. He might take a temporary break here and there. But if you feel like you have to take breaks in order to "come up for air" that may be sign that you are living for the future at the expense of the present. This is not happiness. This is relief. Dr. Ben Shachar calls this relief from stress "Negative Happiness." But this kind of happiness is only temporary.
Approach #3 - Living In The Present
A 3rd approach is someone who lives in the Present. This personality focuses on controlling what he can right now and taking advantage of what’s around him. He appreciates the moment and does not push off until tomorrow what he can do today. This too has a good side. As Chazal tell us, “Im Lo Achshav, Eimatai - If not now, when?”
However, this personality, which Dr. Ben Shachar calls the Hedonist, has great risk as well. This person who lives in the moment has no concern for the future. It's all about instant gratification. And as soon as the immediate pleasure dissipates it's on to something or someone new. There is no long term commitment or dedication. The hedonist thinks effort = pain and pleasure = happiness. They would rather enjoy what they can now with as little effort as possible.
To summarize the mistakes these 3 personality types make, Dr. Ben Shachar says the following: "The Rat Racer becomes a slave to the future; the Hedonist, a slave to the moment; the Nihilist, a slave to the past."
Approach #4 - True Happiness
So what’s the secret to a happy life? The secret is that it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. It’s not about choosing the Past, the Present, or the Future. It’s about connecting all three. It’s about knowing where you come from, setting your sights on where you want to go, and making the daily choices to progress on your journey. It’s not about arrival; it’s about progress. It’s not about being; it’s about becoming. It’s about living with purpose. It's about growing.
Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to conquer Mt. Everest. Did you know that he
failed to accomplish this on his first attempt? Speaking to the Science Academy in
England after his first unsuccessful climb, Hillary stopped in the middle of his delivery,
paused and turned toward the large mural of Everest which was on the wall, and declared, “Next time I will succeed - for I am still growing and you have stopped growing.”
In the words of Dr. Ben Shachar, "Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain, nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak."
The past inspires us to plan a bright future. But the future doesn't happen later; it happens now. It is created every moment of our lives. And the only way to succeed is to be present. As the saying goes, “The past is history. The future's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.”
V. The Time Machine
Which brings us back to today, to Yom Kippur, to this moment. Yom Kippur is the happiest day in the Jewish calendar because it reminds us that past, present, and future are all connected. In our Tefillot of Yom Kippur we recite Viduy, focusing on the past, and we recite U’Netaneh Tokef, focusing on our future. But we also focus on our present. In Avinu Malkeinu we say “Tehei HaShaah Hazot Shaat Rachamim V’Et Ratzon Milfanecha - May this moment be one of compassion and favor before You.” And right after musaf we recite a special Tefilla called HaYom Te’Amtzeinu, in which we ask Hashem to strengthen us, bless us, and accept out Tefillot HAYOM, today.
In fact, this switching between past, present, and future has been a theme throughout the Teshuva season. On Rosh Hashana we fast forward and look to the future, planning the year to come. And then on Yom Kippur we rewind and look back on the year that was, reflecting on where we veered from the path. In a certain sense the entire Yamim Noraim is like a Time Machine that takes us back and forth between past, present, and future, reminding us that life is about connecting all three.
So if you don’t mind, I’d like to invite you to join me in my time machine for a little trip to the future and to the past. Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back to the present.
Let’s start by looking into the future. Imagine if you knew, Lo Aleinu, that this coming year would be the last one of your life. At 1st glance that sounds scary, and B’ezrat Hashem we will all be blessed with many more years of health and happiness in this world. But just for a moment imagine what your life would be like if you knew you had one year to live. How might you live differently? What things might matter more or less to you? How do you think you might spend your days? For each of us the answer might be slightly different. But I suspect that each of us, in our own way, would find a way to infuse each and every day with meaning and purpose. We would spend time with the people we love doing the things that we find meaningful.
You may be familiar with the story of Alfred Nobel. In 1888 a newspaper obituary reported on his death and described him as a “merchant of death” who had grown rich by developing dynamite. It turns out it was a mistake and it was actually his brother who had died. So Alfred is sitting there reading his own obituary and he realizes that what he will be remembered for is inventing something whose legacy is death and war. At that point he decides he has to do something to leave a more positive legacy and he establishes the Nobel Prize, awarding the most outstanding contributions to the fields of Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature, and Peace. So I ask again, if you knew you were going to die what would you do to leave a lasting legacy?
There’s an interesting expression that you may have heard before:
“Adam Doeg Al Ibud Damav V’eino Doeg Al Ibud Yamav. Damav Chozrim. Yamav Einam Chozrim.
“A person is concerned about the loss of his money and not the loss of his days. Money can be replenished; days cannot.”
So as we get ready to reboard our time machine and travel back in time to the past, my question is simple: why can’t we live this way right now in the present? Why do we act like life has no clock, pushing off to tomorrow what we could do today?
Now let’s travel back in time. We are about to recite Yizkor. Each of us can think of people who touched our lives who are no longer with us. They could be family members, teachers, or friends. I want to invite you to close your eyes for a moment and picture a moment from the past when you were with this person and were happy. What did you learn from that person? How did they impact you? When you think about that person what makes you smile? Is there something about that person that you can try to emulate in the way you live your own life? In doing so, you not only honor their legacy; you remember where you come from which will help you on your own journey as well.
I will never forget my Rebbe, Rav Aharon Rakeffet, may he live and be well, a talmid of Rav Soloveitchik, who would always tell us "boys, with one ear I hear my Rebbe 50 years ago and with the other I hear my talmidim 50 years from now." Each of us is on our own personal journey. But we are also a link in a chain that started before us and will continue after us. And this too is the true source of our Simcha, of our happiness. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. And we each have a crucial role to play in this story.
Now let’s return to the present. Today is Yom Kippur, the happiest day in the Jewish calendar. I want to wish each of us that in a few hours, when we finish Neilah, blow the Shofar, and sing “LeShana HaBaah B’Yerushalayim” we should feel not only relief. Relief that the fast is over, and that B’Ezrat Hashem our Tefillot have been heard. We should feel true Simcha, true happiness. Because we will have a clearer sense of who we are and what we want. Because we will know that life is not about the past or the future, but about taking advantage of the present. Of making each day count. Because we will know that life is a precious gift, and that the journey of becoming and of growing is what it’s all about.
“Tehei HaShaah Hazot Shaat Rachamim V’Et Ratzon - May this moment be one of compassion and favor.” May the simcha of Yom Kippur inspire us not only today but every day, so that we live every day of our lives with purpose, with vision, with hope, growing each day, enjoying the process of becoming who we are meant to be. And when someone asks us how we are doing, may we answer “Yom Yom,” I am making each day count and seeing it as the bracha that it is.
Gmar Chatima Tova
