A Letter To My Holy Twins

On this 12th birthday of our twins, Rina and Simcha, let me share the letter I wrote to them the week they were born, which I shared at Simcha's Brit Milah. It not only gives a little insight into our family. It also, I hope, can serve as inspiration and chizuk to others who have struggled with infertility. May Hashem grant your prayers and bless you with the children you so desire.

A Letter To My Holy Twins – Aaron Levitt – 6/20/07

I hope you’ll all forgive me if I address my remarks this morning to the two newest people in the room, Rina Yocheved and Simcha Elazar. I wrote them a letter last night which I’d like to read to them out loud. It’s called “A Letter To My Holy Twins.”

My shayna kinderlach, my Rina Yocheved and my Simcha Elazar, right now you have no idea just how much joy you have brought to so many people. But I hope one day you will find this letter and read it again and then you will know what it is that all of us here are feeling today.

My beautiful children, right now all that matters to you is sleeping, and eating, being changed and being held. And thank God there are so many loving people who are so eager to take care of you both. But I don’t think you have any idea just how lucky you are. So listen carefully, children. Let me tell you a little bit about some of the people in your lives so that you’ll see just how fortunate you both are:


I. The People That Made This Day Possible

Let me start by telling you about some of the people that made this day possible. Because by all accounts we have no business standing here today, holding you in our arms. After three pregnancy losses we were told by the doctors that there was nothing else we could try. But my children, when you want something bad enough you never give up. There’s always a way. It may not be the path you had imagined but it can still lead you to where you want to go. These are some of the people who helped us along that path.

Six years ago this summer, our family suffered our 1st loss, followed by another 9 months later. It was devastating in so many ways. But there were people who believed in us, who were willing to help us think outside the box. There were Rabbis and Doctors and Lawyers who helped us along the path that led us here today.

My Rebbe, Rabbi Mordechai Willig, put us in touch with Machon Puah, the Institute in Jerusalem that is on the cutting edge of infertility and halacha, that helps thousands of couples like us pursue their dreams of building a family. We spoke with Rav Gideon Weitzman, who consulted with the head of Machon Puah, Rav Menachem Burstein. Together with Rav Willig they came back to us with a psak that we could use a surrogate, as long as we could find a single Jewish female. We went to see a talmid of Rav Willig’s, Rabbi Dr. Zalman Levine, who is a fertility doctor in New Jersey. He helped us search for a surrogate through his directories and by posting messages on our behalf on Teaneck shuls. Although the search did not lead to a match, it transformed the idea of surrogacy for us from theory to reality. Now we knew that it could really happen.

Four years ago we decided to move to Boca, and at that time Rav Willig told us if you’re moving to Boca then Rabbi Kenneth Brander will be your posek. Rabbi Brander, who trained with Machon Puah for a year, was an extremely important part of this process moving forward. He would often say to me “Aaron, who knows, maybe the whole reason you guys came down to Boca was so that you could find your surrogate.” Rabbi Brander supported us throughout this process and even put us in touch with S’Gulah, a local fund started by members of our shul that helps couples in the community undergoing infertility challenges. After Rabbi Brander and his family moved up to New Jersey he still stayed involved, interested in helping in any way he could. And Rabbi Efrem Goldberg got involved as well, helping us navigate this groundbreaking halachic process.

There were other Rabbis who played important roles as well. Rabbi Benjamin Yudin of Fair Lawn, NJ was there for us after each of our losses, crying along with us, helping us with the burial, and always encouraging us not to give up hope. Rabbi Yamin Levy, who literally wrote the book on Pregnancy Loss from a Jewish perspective, inspired us to reach out to other couples experiencing fertility challenges as well, and kept on believing in us no matter what. And Rabbi Shmuel Rabinovici, of our Kollel here in Boca, would constantly ask how we were doing and offer to talk out ideas or be a listening ear.

Despite the widespread support on the Rabbinic and Halachic fronts, we still needed to find a woman who would agree to carry our child. We had literally searched for over four years, all over the world, and had no luck, until last Pesach when our lawyer, Charlotte Danciu, who is here to celebrate with us today, called us up and told us that she had a Passover present for us. This was almost exactly a year after our third and most recent pregnancy loss, one which was especially painful due to the high-risk medical procedures that it involved. She knew an amazing woman named Linda who was single and Jewish, and was willing to be a surrogate for us. Can you imagine? What kind of a holy person must she be to help us make our dreams come true? We met Linda and her wonderful family, who are here with us today as well, and they were also so supportive and loving. They are truly amazing people.

We went to Drs. Moshe Peres and Michael Matilsky at Boca Fertility. They guided us all through every step of the process and even allowed us to come into the lab and actually participate in making this miracle happen. How many parents can say that they knew their children on the cellular level?

We waited a few weeks to find out if Linda was pregnant with our child. It was Parshat Noach, which many suggest is a symbol for pregnancy and the womb, when we got the call that indeed our prayers had been answered. You were no longer just a dream, but were becoming a reality. And just a few weeks later, during the week of Parshat Toldot, the parsha in which Rivka gives birth to twins, we got the call that we too were blessed not just with one miracle, but with twins. We were at the same time humbled, excited and nervous, but most of all we were immensely grateful to Linda and to God. Throughout the pregnancy, Linda was amazing, never complaining, always with a smile. She took great care of you guys, and we are all very fortunate to have found her. It made perfect sense when we realized that you were born on 6-13 since this whole process was so clearly Yad Hashem, the hand of God. But what really blew me away was when I realized that Rina was born at 2:16pm and Simcha at 2:18pm. Because when you add those two numbers together you get 434 which in Gematria = Teled (She will give birth). We feel very strongly that finding Linda was bashert, and that this whole process was a clear manifestation of Yad Hashem, of God’s hand in our lives.

Anyway, these are some of the people that I want you to know about, my children, because without their love and support we would not be here celebrating today.


II. Some of The Other Special People In Your Lives

And now let me tell you about some of the other special people in your lives so that you will really start to realize just how lucky you are. You are part of an amazing community. Our friends, both here in Boca as well as those from London, Gruss, and Washington Heights, have been there with us through thick and thin. Their support has been never-ending and their encouragement has been unwavering. They have prayed for you guys for so long, and they are so thrilled that you are finally here. Many of these friends are here with us today, while others are not here in person but are with us nonetheless. You are very lucky to be part of such a caring group of friends.

You’re even more fortunate to have such an amazing family, whom you are just starting to get to know. Your grandparents and great-grandparents are the most loving, caring, giving, supporting people in the world. They will do anything for you. And they love you more than anything else in the whole world. Seeing them hold you makes it clear how badly they wanted you to come and how happy they are that you are here. As you grow older you will learn that your uncles and aunts are so much fun and that they love you as if you are their own. And just wait until you meet all your cousins who cannot wait to get their hands all over you. I know it won’t be long before all you cousins are busy getting into mischief together. You are very blessed to come from such a loving and supportive family.

There is one special person who loves you more than anyone, and she has been waiting for you for a long, long time. We would sometimes ask your big sister Shira “if you could daven for just one thing from Hashem what would it be?” And every single time she would give the same answer: “a brother and a sister.” Well, Shira got her wish and learned a powerful lesson about Tefilla along the way: you may not get what you want right away but you should never stop davening. Shira is going to teach you guys everything she knows. She will show you how to be so creative and artistic. She will teach you songs and mitzvot. She has a big heart and you are very lucky to have her as your big sister.

But most of all you are blessed to have a mother who is the most giving person that I know. Ima is going to take the best care of you. And you should know that she will always believe in you. Throughout this whole process Ima always had such strong Emunah, such strong faith that this day would come. And when Ima believes in something it eventually comes true. If I tried my hardest I could not imagine a better wife or mother than your Ima. We are all extremely blessed to have her in our lives.


III. How Lucky We Feel

These are the people in your lives that you need to know about in order to appreciate just how lucky you are. But before I finish, I want to tell you how lucky your Ima and I feel right now. Because you see, sometimes you don’t appreciate or understand things until much later down the line. In the middle of the chapter it may be hard to grasp how that sudden plot twist will affect the rest of the story. It is only after you complete the chapter that things start to get a little clearer.

Hashem has blessed our family now with six children. Three of them were such pure holy neshamot that He decided to keep them with Him in shamayim. And we fully believe that we will meet those children again in the World to Come. As we celebrate this special occasion today those 3 neshamot are very much on our minds and in our hearts where they will always remain.

But now, in addition to our very special Shira, of whom we are so proud and for whom we thank Hashem each and every day, we now have the two of you as well. And I have to tell you, after everything we have been through, this simcha is so much deeper, so much sweeter, than anything we could have ever imagined. And your Ima and Abba are so much closer than we ever could have been.

At the last funeral, two years ago, I chose two mizmorim of tehillim, chapters of psalms, to recite which I found particularly meaningful. We read the “Shir HaMaalot” that is recited before Birkat Hamazon (126), and we recited “Mizmor Shir Chanukat HaBayit L’David (30).” And the reason was very simple. It was because we felt the need to affirm our belief that in the end this day would still come. That was also why we named that girl Emunah, Faith, because we felt a strong need to reaffirm our Emunah and strengthen our resolve.

“Shir HaMaalot” contains one of the most beautiful expressions in Tanach. It says “Ha’Zor’im B’Dim’ah B’Rina Yiktzoru – Those who plant with tears will sow with joyous song.” This expression means so much to your Abba and Ima because it says to us that even when it looks like all your hopes and dreams are being buried in the ground, in truth you are just planting the seeds for the ultimate joy down the line. The word Rina actually appears 3x in the mizmor. We resolved right then that we when the time would come that Hashem would bless us with a girl we would call her Rina.

“Mizmor Shir Chanukat HaBayit L’David” also contains a very powerful and uplifting idea. It says “Hafachta Mispidi L’Machol Li Pitachta Saki V’Tiazreini Simcha – You have transformed for me my eulogy into dancing / you have opened my sack and granted me happiness.” Once again, this mizmor said to us that things can turn around. Hesped, eulogy, can be transformed into Simcha, into happiness.

My holy twins, Rina and Simcha, your names were not just chosen because they sound nice. Your names represent your essence, what you’re all about. It is the bracha of your Abba and Ima that you should live lives of Rina and Simcha, of joy and happiness, that you should continue to spread that joy and happiness to others around you, and that you should always remember that even when things are not going as you hope, it is never too late, it can still turn around.

We also gave you middle names that reflect our profound sense of HaKarat Hatov, of gratitude to God for making this whole process possible. “Yocheved,” for Elisheva’s grandmother and great-grandmother, refers to the honor of God, and “Elazar”, who also happened to be the son of Aaron and Elisheva in the Torah, means that God helped. It was fascinating to me that when I went back and looked at the paragraph of “Mizmor Shir” it contains all four names, as well as that of Shira.

My special children, let me conclude by saying thanks. Not just thanks to the shul for hosting, to Eli Amsalem for catering, to Dr. Goldman for flying down to be the mohel, and to the friends and family who flew down from all over in order to be with us on this special occasion. Not just thanks to all the people who helped us get to this point, from family, to friends, to Rabbis, to doctors, and to lawyers. Not just a profound thanks to Linda and her family for truly earning the title of Eishet Chayil, a woman of valor, by making this dream come true for us. And not just thanks to my wife Elisheva for bringing me two more children and for being my partner and best friend in everything that I do.

Let me conclude by saying thanks to Hashem. Because you see, this entire story, in my opinion, is nothing less than a Neis, a miracle. What we are celebrating right now at this seudat hodaah is the miracle of life, which in this case is easier to see, but which should never ever be taken for granted.

Me’et Hashem Hayta Zot Hi Niflat B’Einenu – This all comes from God and it is amazing in our eyes

Zeh HaYom Asah Hashem Nagilah V’Nismicha Vo – This is the day that Hashem made. Let us rejoice and celebrate it.

Words cannot express our gratitude to God for this amazing miracle, so let me finish by quoting from the siddur (Nishmat Kol Chai):

Ilu Finu Maleh Shira Kaaym U’lshoneinu Rina K’Hamon Galav…

Ein Anachnu Maspikim Lehodot Lecha Hashem Elokeinu V’Elokei Avoteinu U’Levarech Et Shemecha Al Achat M’Aleph Eleph Alphei Alaphim V’Ribei Rivivot Peamim HaTovot Sha’Asitah Im Avoteinu V’Imanu.

Were our mouth as full of song as the sea, and our tongue as full of joyous song as its multitude of waves…we still could not thank You sufficiently, Hashem our God and God of our forefathers, and to bless Your name for even one of the thousand thousand, thousands of thousands and myriad myriads of favors that you performed for our ancestors and for us.

Thank You