My Dearest Shira,
I cannot believe that you are heading off to Israel for a year of Torah study and Spiritual growth! That fills me with pride and joy! The year and a half that I spent in Yeshiva after High School remains one of the most impactful and transformative times in my life. I hope you will look back on your year (which seems like a long time but believe me will fly right by) with similar nostalgia and appreciation for the rest of your life as well.
It will be weird not to see your beautiful face and to hear your laugh every day. I am going to miss you A LOT. And so will Ima and the twins. But thank God today we can be in touch with What’s App and Skype. When I was your age none of that existed. I had a 10 minute expensive phone call every Sunday and that was it.
I want you to know Shira that you are not now, nor will you ever be, alone. You and I are so similar in so many ways. We do not mind being alone and sometimes even prefer it. But I hope you feel, like I do, that even when you are alone or apart from the ones you love, that you are not alone in the world. Ima and I are always thinking of you (we have been for close to two decades now!) and are just a phone call away. I once heard from Rabbi Feivel Wagner zt”l (who was the Rabbi in Grandma and Grandpa’s shul in Forest Hills) that the reason we do not make a new Birchat HaTorah every time we learn Torah throughout the day (the way we would make a new Mezonot every time we had a snack for example), but rather just one bracha in the morning which covers the entire day, is because even when we are doing something else and not directly engaged in Torah study it is still in our hearts (if not our conscious minds) all the time so there is no Hefsek. In the same way that a parent never stops thinking about (or at least feeling) their child, even when apart from them and doing something else (one day please God, you will understand this), so too Torah is always a part of us 24/7. So just know that even though we will not see each other day to day you will always be on my mind and I will smile knowing that you are dedicating a year of your life to grow spiritually in the Holy Land. You can always call us if you just need someone to listen or to make you laugh. I want to give you space to grow but also want to hear from you as often as possible.
Ima and I are so proud of you. We never could have imagined when you were a little cute baby that you would turn into such an impressive, kind hearted, talented, creative, funny, wise, loving young woman. The way you put others before yourself. The way you are able to think with sophistication and understand multiple perspectives. The way you are able to just create (writing, art, cooking, photography, music…). You never cease to amaze me. But this year is about growing even more. I want you to challenge yourself to grow this year.
I want you to challenge yourself this year to grow in Torah. Take your Torah learning to a whole new level. Study Tanach in a deep way. Learn not only the WHAT and HOW of Halacha, but also the WHY. Learn Mussar so that you can see the deep life wisdom in Judaism and use it as a tool for constant self-improvement. Try to build your skills so that you are such a strong learner that you could be a teacher and give your own shiurim.
I want you to challenge yourself this year to grow Spiritually. Develop a personal connection to Hashem that is beyond the formality of performing mitzvot and reciting prayers. Learn about Hashem and nurture your sense of awe. Develop the connection so that you always feel that Hashem is with you and so that you use Hashem to guide all your decisions in life.
I want you to challenge yourself this year to grow in your Independence. What I mean by that is not to be apart from others, but rather to see how strong you are and learn that you can take care of yourself. As children, our parents take care of us. As parents, we take care of others. You are now in the transition phase where in order for you to learn how to take care of others you 1st have to learn how to take care of yourself. I think you have already made great strides in this area, but being in another country for a year will help you grow this muscle even more. Yes, you will learn how to cook, how to travel, how to get what you need from people with authority. But you will also learn how to manage your emotions and stress, how to get yourself through tough times, how to get medicine if you are not feeling well, etc…
I want you to challenge yourself this year to grow in your Relationships. Push yourself to talk to new people, not only to be kind to them, but also because they may turn out to have something to offer you (friendship). Try to focus on the needs of others and help. Volunteer in the community. Set up chavrutot, go out for dinner, and spend Shabbat with different girls. Go to a family for shabbat that you have never met before. Stay up late at night having bonding talks with your roommates. The friends you make this year could very well end up being lifelong friendships. Pirkei Avot says “Aseh Lecha Rav U’Kenei Lecha Chaver.” So in addition to making great friends, try to find role models and mentors from your teachers that you look up to, admire, and can talk turn to for guidance and advice. My Rebbeim from yeshiva remain to this day a source of inspiration and motivation for me, as well as people to whom I can turn if I need to talk.
In general, push yourself out of your comfort zone, because the more you use those muscles the stronger you will get. I always tell you that you don’t even begin to realize just how strong you are. But the way to keep growing is to exercise. It’s like going up the down escalator. If you stay still you remain at the bottom. If you sprint up you run out of steam and go all the way down. The secret is to push yourself just a little faster than the escalator is going and little by little make your way up. So too in all these areas of growth. Huge unrealistic goals will never get done. Set up mini goals with time limits that you can measure and check them off as you go. After each goal is met set the bar a little higher and begin again. This may sound like you can never relax, but the truth is that it gives life meaning and excitement to always have something you are working towards and to celebrate successes along the way.
You know the song “When you get the chance to sit it out or dance I hope you dance?” Well, I hope that whenever an opportunity comes you grab it. Tell yourself, this opportunity may never come again I do not want to miss out. So even if you are tired, or sick, or upset, or whatever, just go for it anyway. Every once in a while you will say that was a waste. But most of the time you will be so happy you went and you will even feel better by the end.
Try your best to see as much of Israel as you can. Get a map and wherever you go highlight it on the map so you can see where you are. And get a map of Yerushalayim as well and just walk through the city seeing all the different neighborhoods and people. Introduce yourself to people and ask them questions about their lives. Take photos. You could even do a Humans of Yerushalayim thing. It would be so cool to have a person or story of the week that you could write home about. Someone interesting that you encountered that week and what you found interesting about them. Keep a journal of your experiences, the people you meet and places you go. You will love looking back years later and reading it again.
Have a lot of fun but at the same time never lose focus on what you are there for: to figure out the answer to the question “Is there a God and what does He want from me?” Do not just learn Torah when your schedule says you must. Learn more on your own. Come back inspired and loving Torah.
And now a few thoughts about Health and Safety. Number one, be smart. Do not go to dangerous places. Try to travel with others. Ask advice if you are not sure. Do not engage in any risky behaviors. Take good care of yourself (sleep, diet, hydration, sun protection, exercise…) so you feel good. If you need help ask the people at MMY. They are there to help you. But as I said earlier, never forget that you are strong and can get through anything.
So, I have so much more to say, but in the immortal words of Inigo Montoya, “Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape.”
Ima and I love you more than anything in the whole wide world and we always will
You are amazing and much stronger than you even know
This year is going to fly by and is going to be the best year of your life! Enjoy it!
Approach this year as an adventure! Use your Moral Compass and your Spiritual GPS and enjoy the journey! Explore and discover not only new parts of Israel and of Torah, but of yourself as well.
Yesimeich Elokim K’Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, V’Leah. Yevarechecha Hashem V’Yishmerecha. Ya’er Hashem Panav Eilecha Vichunekah. Yisah Hashem Panav Eilecha V’Yasem Lecha Shalom.
Love you with all of my heart!!
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